bye bye belly button
last year, i had a suspected attack of IBS. now, as i've suffered from this bowel-clenching illness for the last few years, i pretty much knew what to expect. the pain was the same, in the same place as it always was, just a bit worse. then a lot worse. then so much worse that i phoned an ambulance.
it took me ten minutes to walk from my front door to the ambulance(about 20 yards away), but i couldn't sit without pain. also, it gave me time for a quick smoke.
i was given morphine as soon as i got in the ambulance. i told the medic that it was an IBS attack, nothing to worry about.
we got to the hospital, where i was wheeled immediately into a cubicle. the doctor saw me within 5 minutes. i told him it was just my IBS, no need to panic. "let's just see," says he, sending me off for an x-ray.
what seemed like 5 minutes later(but was actually half an hour), the doctor ran in, with a nurse at his side. she slapped those stupid wristbands on me, whilst he thrust a piece of paper at me.
"sign this," he says. "but this is a consent form for surgery," says i. turns out i was wrong. it wasn't IBS. it was a strangulated hernia, which was about to rupture and kill me.
24 hours and 34 staples later, i have no pain, no hernia and no belly button. yes, the NHS may suck sometimes, but if they'd taken my word for it and not bothered to make sure, i'd be dead now.

length? the scar is about 10 inches long
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 17:17, 2 replies)

My mother had the same thing, luckily she was OK too after an emergency operation.
I heard she was feeling ill and went to see her, and immediately rang for an ambulance - her face was actually grey from the pain. Had no idea what was wrong but it looked bad.

She too lost her belly button. My considerate brother later kindly bought her a novelty light-up one!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 18:49, closed)

hahaha!
i just have to put up with the kids calling me a clone!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 19:33, closed)