Trannys for Cash
As the partner of someone who spent ages in hospital with various wonky-body-syndrome-related health issues, I found myself for the most part getting in the way and generally being no fucking use at all. Though I did have one essential job I threw myself into with gay (in a hetero way) abandon. I became a gofor. Go for this, go for that, pick me up a sandwich from the deli on the corner because I’m not eating the shit they give you in here, go and bring that book from home I’m reading. That sort of thing.

Then I got asked to go down to the hospital pharmacy and pick up some medication (even though my Mrs. was an inpatient for some unknown reason someone had to go down thirteen stories and buy the prescription. I’ll say that again: You had to PURCHASE medication when you’re an inpatient after a major op).

Things didn’t go too well at the pharmacy. Maybe it’s because I was tired, stressed, just generally annoyed with the entire NHS… Maybe its because I was tired of being refered to by the nursing staff as 'the gofor'.

All I can say is when the pharmacist looks at the little slip of paper and says: “This isn’t you. You’re name’s not Elizabeth? Why do you want these drugs?”

What you should answer with is: “Because she’s laid up in bed on the thirteenth floor with staples holding her abdomen together and she can’t quite make it down here just at the minute.”

And what you shouldn’t answer with is: “I’m going to sell them on a street corner in Camden. You can get a quid a tablet* for them up there.”

I learned a valuable lesson that day: Pharmacists don’t understand sarcasm.

And neither do hospital security guards.

And when I eventually sneaked back in via the backdoor, the Mrs. wasn’t too pleased either.

*Tramadol. Known as Trannys in the seedier pubs. A painkiller well known to get one absolutely off one’s tits, if you’re into that sort of thing.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 17:31, 5 replies)

i'm on tramadol
at the moment, also diazepam, for when i'm not wasted enough, plus some other junk. a slipped disc can be fun yay
(danceswithferrets is leaking sanity, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 19:17, closed)

"when I eventually sneaked back in via the backdoor, the Mrs. wasn’t too pleased either."

well, you could have asked first...
(anvil, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 22:33, closed)

Tramadol-gets you off your tits even if you're not into that sort of thing. I was prescribed it once, and duly swallowed two of the tablets.
Felt fantastic, and swallowed a couple more for good measure. Went ouside to move my car off the street, and missed the drive completely, reversing up the garden whilst giggling like a mong.
Flushed rest of tablets down the loo. Bugger-there must have been about twenty quids worth there :-)
(Snabblim Dropfritt, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 8:22, closed)

ah, tramadol
just stopped taking those buggers. i was prescribed them for crippling headaches, which only got worse. went back to the surgery, saw a different doctor, who told me that tramadol are well known for making headaches much worse.
fucksocks.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 13 Mar 2010, 1:16, closed)

I just had a mate who got prescribed them. He didn't have a job, and consequently no money to pay for his script. He gave me a handful in exchange for getting him his medications, as he has a pinched nerve.

For those looking to get intoxicated off of these, I will warn you, don't mix it with anything. I took a fairly weak dose, but then partook of a little pot. Thought I was about to die. I'd very much discouraged anyone from trying to get too wasted off of these. A little is all good and fun, but too much or mixed with anything can get you in trouble fast.
( Ithyphallophobia, Sat 13 Mar 2010, 6:15, closed)