I think the most pathetic I've felt in a hospital
was one Friday night in the middle of the summer. I worked a bar in Green Park, Mordor, and at about 10pm a lady asked for a glass of red wine. Having finished the previous bottle, I started opening a new one, and somehomw managed to break it and thrust my thumb onto the broken neck.

Claret everywhere, and, since I was the only one working, I had to wrap my thumb, shoosh everyone out, and call a cab to take me to A&E, as I clearly needed stitches.

I was taken to Guy's in the middle of Mordor, and, it being 10-30pm on a Friday, A&E was full up with pissed teenagers throwing up, tramps fighting with each other, junkies flaking out, people with pans stuck on their heads - the lot - and I'm standing there saying to a nurse "I've cut my thumb ... "

As an epilogue, I left A&E at about 4am, and thus was late for work the next day. One of the locals had already told the landlady the story, and the first thing she said to me was "What were you doing opening a new bottle of wine at 10pm? You should have refused because it's a waste."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)