Breasts!
Back in 1998, I found a lump in my tit. A bit worried, I toddled off to the doctor who said it was just a cyst. A few days later, my tit was huge, and had red veins running through it.
Back to the doc, who agreed with me that it was an abcess and was promptly given antibiotics.

3 days later, tit so huge and painful I couldn't even wear a bra and was crying in agony. Called the doctor who sent the then husband and I off to casualty to get it lanced.
The consulting doctor took one look, said I'll be right back. 10 minutes later I'm being wheeled to a bed for emergency surgery the following morning.

Woke up feeling a little groggy to discover the husband had phoned my gran as he couldn't get a hold of mum, telling gran "batshit's having emergency surgery right now on her breast". Gran panics, calls mum at the school she taught at. Mum panics until I am finally able to calm everyone down.

The following day, the nurse comes to change my dressing - they'd left the wound open but packed so as not to re-infect it and to allow the pus to drain. It hurt like a motherfucker.

The day after I was discharged, the district nurse came to change the dressing. He was male. I'm laid on the bed with my tits out. He pulls out a long metal stick and told me he was going to measure the wound. I calmly put my hand under his balls and told him "you hurt me, I'm going to hurt you". Didn't feel a thing, but the following day a different nurse came round to change the dressing and apparently I'd scared this guy so much that he refused to come back.

Then I got chicken pox, so had an additional week off work as well as the two weeks my tit was healing.
I now have a lovely scar right on the side of my nipple, and if you draw two eyes on the other side it looks like a smiley face :0)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 20:39, 1 reply)

I'm not surprised he didn't come back. That's so close to sexual assault it's not funny.
( multijoy, Sat 13 Mar 2010, 16:22, closed)