bugger it, i'll do them all at once
due to birth defects and unexpected(for a teenager) illnesses, i've been in and out of different hospitals since birth. i'll try to keep this as short as possible.

st. paul's eye hospital, liverpool
attended 3 times a week from the age of 6 months until 6 years. lovely, helpful staff, but completely unable to help me with a condition that no-one had ever seen.

moorfield's eye hospital, london.
thanks to the wonderful mr. collins visiting st. paul's and deciding he wanted to try something experimental to help me, i'm not blind. 15 visits and 5 operations between the ages of 6 and 17. he was on telly a while ago, the picture of thunderbird 2 that i drew for him when i was 8 could be clearly seen on the wall behind his desk.

fazakerly(aintree) hospital, liverpool.
unexpected kidney stones at the age of 13 went undiagnosed for 2 years, which led to some serious complications. i've had 5 operations so far and still need another. there is so much scar tissue now that i've been warned that this will be my last chance to fix things. mostly good treatment, but one or two nurses seriously need a kick up the fish mitten.

the royal liverpool hospital.
car crash. walked into casualty looking like an extra from dawn of the dead. was treated immediately as i had severed an artery in my forehead. caused the young doctor to blush bright red when he asked me how my head was and i replied "i've had no complaints so far". 2 black eyes and a harry potter-looking scar.

spire regency hospital, macclesfield.
weight management centre. the country really does need more of these. some of the other patients were having to travel outrageous distances to see a weight specialist. still attending, i've lost over 15 stones. yes, i was a very fat fucker. all staff have been excellent.

east ridings hospital, hull
gastric bypass, july 2008. this is where i was stuck next to the patient i have previously referred to as the prick. between him and a very cunty nurse, a comfortable and really rather pleasant hospital stay was marred.

fazakerly hospital, liverpool
about a year ago. suspected punctured lung. unable to breathe more than a ragged wheeze, terrified that i was going to die, pain in my back and chest like i'd been stabbed. was left in this condition, in casualty, for 6 hours. i asked the doctor i eventually saw if they'd been having a busy night. he replied that no, it'd been fairly quiet. he couldn't understand why i'd been left for so long. turns out the triage nurse had "misplaced" my forms and assumed i'd already been seen.

still got at least 3 operations to go, here's hoping, eh?

sorry for the length, i didn't realise it'd be so big!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 14 Mar 2010, 1:43, Reply)