Rhubarb yoghurt
Apologies for length.
After finding a lump in my breast and being reassured by the doc it was a harmless cyst that anti-biotics would sort out, I was a bit surprised to find it still there and still growing a few weeks later.
So an outpatients appt was made at the nearest hospital 40 minutes away to have it drained or whatever they do.
A friend took me as the public transport is one bus very 2 hours, and we expected with possible delays etc to be there at least 3 hours.
I get there and am told my bed isnt ready yet.
Bed?
No its an outpatient visit says I.
No, you are here overnight they tell me.
Its 10am and Im not happy, didnt bring a toothbrush or change of clothes.
Friend hangs around as we try to find out whats going on.
At midday I'm led to a room all to myself and a doc looks at the lump.
Yes says he, we can drain that and you can go home, will come back in a while and do it
At around 2pm my friend has to go, to pick up her kid from school.
The last bus back is 6pm so im not unduly bothered yet.
Although Iam now getting hungry.
I ask if I can get anything to eat and am told lunch is over but tea will be around later.
Im sitting in this room twiddling my thumbs when the cyst bursts, copious blood and pus all over my T shirt.
I call the nurse who brings in the doc, he looks and says something about not having to drain it now and buggers off.
So im sitting there thinking i cant go home with this all over me.
Go into the bathroom and using the paper towels clean myself up as best I can, and pack a load of loo roll over the weeping hole in my boob.
Wander to the nurses station and say I'm off.
They wont let me, say i have to go onto an anti-biotic drip and to go back to my room.
It was another couple of hours before the drip turned up, nurse says call me when the bag has emptied.
By then 6pm has been and gone and im resigned to being there overnight.
I buzz for nurse when the bag empties, no one comes.
Then the drip goes into reverse, and i watch my blood flowing into it.
Buzz nurse again, no one comes.
I wander off down corridor dragging the drip stand behind me, find nurses having a cuppa.
Point at drip bag slowly filling with my blood and ask if they can disconnect me.
Am told to go back to my room and someone will be along.
Eventually someone does, only to put another drip bag on, and laugh when i ask if the air bubbles in the line are dangerous.
I ask again if i can have something to eat, to be told dinner was over but they would see what they could find.
I then ask if someone could give me a dressing for the cyst.
Nurse seemed surprised by this request but did clean the hole with a saline solution and put a dressing on it.
Its around 9pm by now and i havnt eaten since the night before and my head is spinning.
Around 11pm im brought an apple and a rhubarb yoghurt.
A yoghurt that looked exactly like the expelled contents of the cyst I was in there for.
Funnily enough i couldnt eat it.
Somewhere around 2am I was caught trying to climb out of the window onto some scaffolding outside.
Got a right bollocking and was given something to make me sleep.
The cup of tepid tea, one slice of cold toast and a rubber egg they gave me in the morning was manna from heaven.
My friend who picked me up was appalled and urged me to make a complaint.
But quite frankly just to be out of there was enough for me.

2 years later the cyst returned, did i get help?
Did I feck, lanced it myself, cleaned and dressed it myself
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 0:42, Reply)