Believing clichés.
This happened a few years ago on a family holiday in Victoria. At a place called Maru Animal Park. Being from "Maaaahlburn" we did a few of the more off the beaten track touristy things and visiting here was one of them.
Apparently there is a salt water pool full of tears somewhere nearby that was worth a look but buggered if I could find it!

The place we stayed at had a wildlife park nearby. After a day of the trouble and strife flatly refusing to climb out of the car due to being cooped up with the family on the road for too long and myself and the kids generally making a nuisance of ourselves we decided to avail ourselves of the access to the wildlife park we were entitled to after forking out 80 odd bucks.

There were lots of kangaroos and rather depressed looking birds in lots of aviaries. Then there was Alby, the koala bear. Alby's enclosure was a boardwalk and hut built around a few trees in the atrium where Alby and a couple of his mates (not sure if literal) lived. There was a large sign on the door of the enclosure saying - "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TOUCH THE KOALA".
Weeeeellll, me being me; once we were inside I decided a bit of channeling Steve Irwin was needed. "Crikey!" I exclaimed, "Here's a dinky-di Koala bear. The Koala bear ladies and gentlemen leads a fairly sedentary life - choosing mainly to eat, sleep and shit." "Let's see if I can stir the old boy into a bit of life" I joked as I gently reached out to give Alby a nudge awake. What happened next was swift and taught me a few things.
1) Despite sitting in trees all day and eating gum leaves slowly, koala's can move VERY, VERY quickly.
2) Despite being herbivorous, koala's have BIG teeth and claws.

3) Koala's it seems have a much better ability to aim their urine stream than the average human male...

With a fresh bite and scratch from Alby and now soaked in his hot, foul smelling piss I had cause to reflect - if the sign says - "Don't poke the bear." then it's probably a good idea to follow instructions.

TL;DR: Old adages are old and adages for a good reason. Fail to heed them at your peril.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 23:25, 19 replies)

I hope you got yourself tested for chlamydia after that.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22207442

We convinced someone in our lab that Dropbears existed and that he should bloody careful out in the bush.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 8 Apr 2015, 0:08, closed)

Why'd the koala fall out of the tree?

(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 0:24, closed)

Go on then...

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 8 Apr 2015, 1:51, closed)

It slipped. Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree?

(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 10:22, closed)

Peer group pressure.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 10:24, closed)

Alright, R*b F**rh*lm*.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 0:13, closed)

Someone else posted the same thing the other day. And then it disappeard.
When I search for this bloke I come up with loads of nothing when I click "More" or "See full thread". What's that about?
Google gives me a BBC show and some bloke in WA.
There's a post or two in the archives but that's about it. Who is this fellow and why am I always him?
And now your post has changed - your edit?
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 0:22, closed)

Anyone Antipodean is under suspicion until proven not to be F******m
Sorry, that's how it is.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 8 Apr 2015, 1:01, closed)

Being R*b F**rh*lm*?
Because we all know each other really well and meet down at the pub every Saturday night. All 20 something million of us.

What did he do to gain such notoriety? Or is it a bit like Voldemort?
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 1:20, closed)

It's a sorry tale.
A man slipping into deluded fantasy and outright foaming paranoia. He's tried to come back so many times that people muttered about IP banning Australia (which would have sucked as I lived there at the time).
He finally flipped his lid and tried to drop some rather bad emails on to b3ta posters' employers.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 8 Apr 2015, 1:49, closed)

Uh, ok.
Got a username? Sounds like an interesting read.

Looks like the federal govt here is about to beat them to the punch with the IP ban anyway. Them or the Dallas Buyers Club LLC.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 2:01, closed)

Ah, the NBN clusterfuck.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 8 Apr 2015, 2:11, closed)

That,
Curious George and metadata retention, we're all fucked m8!
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 2:22, closed)

cheers

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 8:41, closed)

my friend's brother got sprayed on by a tiger at the zoo
to quote him, "i was there with the kids, and we were looking at the tigers, and i was thinking, hello mr tiger, you're all pretty and shit with those stripes, and the next thing he's cocked himself up against the bars and sprayed me with hot stinking male cat piss."

apparently it smelled exactly like tom cat spray but much worse/meatier, and it took him about 10 showers to get rid of the stench.

lol.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 9:55, closed)

JSYK
Despite their diet, koala's piss doesn't smell 'eucalyptus fresh'.

Probably not a meaty as tiger piss though. Your friends brother probably missed a trick though - I'm sure there are Chinese business men who'd pay handsomely for a Golden Tiger Shower.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Wed 8 Apr 2015, 10:34, closed)