The Story of Derek Peanut PI
It was a dismal evening, the sun struggled to penetrate the brown, polluted clouds. The overhead lights in Derek’s office only added to the gloom, lighting the dust falling over the tatty furniture.

He sat, moodily smoking, wondering if the evening would pan out in much the same way the day had, accidentally falling after snoozing at the desk. It had been a slow week, sod that, a slow year!

A noise, faint at first, a clunk almost, Derek cocks his head to establish how close the noise is. The door opens, a well dressed woman enters the room.

“Derek Peanut? Private Investigator?” she asks, looking with some disdain at his shabby appearance

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“ My friend has disappeared, I was wondering if you could track him down, I’m happy to pay the going rate, and expenses, of course!”

Derek’s heart leaps, not just for the offer of money, but work, real work, which may stop the seemingly unending tedium of his recent life!

“Let’s talk about what you know, and what you need me to find out” he says, brushing down a chair for her to sit on and looking lazily around the room for a notepad.

The woman talks of her close friend, a fellow actor, who had arranged to meet her the previous evening. He had stood her up. This wasn’t unheard of, but unusual when it had been he who arranged the meeting. She had gone to his flat, a small bedsit by the docks, and found the door open, the house was a mess, but she wasn’t sure this was through foul play, he was not a domesticated man. She had found a train timetable and found this incredibly worrying. Her friend refused to use public transport, walked and drove everywhere due to a massive aversion to being touched by old ladies that smell of biscuits.

Finally she revealed her friend may have been feeling suicidal as the play he was in was getting panned by the critics and he feared for his job.

She used the timetable to fan herself, and as she did, a small post it fluttered to the floor, Derek reached out and read

“2.15, Alderbridge”

“I’ll check out Alderbridge, leave me your number, I’ll get back to you with news later.”

Later:

Derek Peanut takes the coach out to Alderbridge, the station is a fair distance from the actual village itself, and so he throws his overcoat over his shoulder and begins walking.

Not used to the country, Derek fills his senses with the sights and sounds so unfamiliar to him, distant dogs barking, heavy machinery ploughing the fields, the tinkling noise of children playing. The smells, not traditionally pleasing, but so fresh and real, permeate his senses, and a small ringing in his ears.

The ringing becomes persistent as he walks closer to the tracks, he feels compulsively, that he should walk closer until parallel. His mind fills with indecent, graphic images of horror and death, yet he’s compelled to move ever closer to the track.

He tears at his clothes, running erratically closer to the tracks, the noise in his ears (or is it his mind?) becoming louder, clearer, unbearable.....

“…..rail way track…..flutter…..along came…..”

Derek is sweating, trying not to gag at the imagery in his head, he sits down on the track to try to control his breathing, and at last it comes:

“The peanut sat on the railway track, his heart was all a flutter,

Along came the 2.15, SPLAT, peanut butter”

Derek turns to see the train bearing down on him, SPLAT, peanut butter!
(Jugular, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 15:34, Reply)