Worringly similar to my answer for the Boss QOTW...
...and quite tenuously linked to this question to boot.

I went into one of my many local mobile phone outlets to buy a new, overpriced piece of tat to ring my handful of mates and girlfriend on. I chose this particular one as one of said mates had just started working there and he assured me he could "do a deal" for me.

The place was heaving and being far too kind for my own good I opted to allow my pal and his colleagues to run around after the wankers who were banging their fists on the desk demanding to know whether "that there phone has a reet good camera on, leek!?"

I planted my backside down on one of the seats situated at the desks towards the back of the store where names are taken, contracts are signed and phones are handed over by the workers to the customers. Being a bit of a cocky twat I opted to sit on the staff side of the desk, behind the screen, to see how long it would take me to be told off by my mate or asked nicely to shift by another member of staff.

Before they got the chance a whale of a woman, complete with screaming child in toe waddled into the store with a face like thunder. All the staff were busy but rather than wait in line she stormed over to me, slammed he handbag down along with a box for some mid-range Nokia. I assumed she was just composing herself so I kept texting without even casting a cursory glance in her direction.

"Err! EXCUSE ME!"

Fucking hell! I raised my eyes. There she was towering above me, looking like she was about to lamp someone.

"I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS COMPANY!! YOU'VE MESSED ME AROUND FOR TOO LONG!! MY MONEY BACK!!"

Turns out this 'poor' lady had mistaken me for a member of staff. Before I could correct her she was off, telling me how she didn't want the phone any longer (despite signing a contract and being waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay after the cooling off period as it turned out) and she wanted to be refunded not only for the phone but for the length of the contract she'd used. She started going on about fines and court being the reason she could no longer afford to keep the phone. Apparently if she didn't get what she wanted right that second she was going to sue 'us'.

As you can imagine by this point I couldn't contain my laughter and started giggling like a little girl while doing my level best to try and explain the concept of a legally binding contract while also attempting to drop in "by the way, I don't work here".

I didn't get the chance to get that far. The minute contracts were mentioned she flew into an even bigger rage and asked to see the manager. I said no, hoping to end that sentence with "I don't work here man, you daft bint!" but I didn't get the chance. She looked for the most senior looking bloke in store (the one in a tie) and effectively asked for my head. The manager told her no, as I didn't work here and was waiting to be served myself. She stormed off.

I'd like to say this was where I got a round of applause and carried out of the store on the shoulders of the workers but I got called a stupid bastard by said manager for sitting behind the desk and pouring fuel on the fire (apparently she was a mental who had been coming in quite regularly and even tried to grab a member of staff once) and my mate was told to "serve him and get that cunt out of the shop."

Length? I think her contract had been running for around 5 month.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 13:03, Reply)