I am a twat.
To show my commitment to this QOTW, I'll tell a story that shows just how big a bloody imbecile I am.

I am a bit of a phone slag to be honest. I can be in a relationship with a phone for all of three months and my eye will start to wander. One minute I'll have a slim white one, then I'll want a big black one, then I'll want a yellow one that vibrates.

On this particular occasion I wanted a Nokia. Can't remember which one, not important. I was strapped for cash but had a few phones floating around I didn't use and on ebay I find a bloke looking to swap the phone I want "for any reasonable offer", his name being purpleza19 (still remember it to this bloody day). I emailed him and asked if I could swap two of my old phones for his. Now ebay doesn't strictly operate as a swap shop, and so it became more of a casual agreement. The agreement was that I post one of the phones, then he posts the one I want, then I post the second. That seemed to be the fairest way around it. So, I post the first one and the next day I get an email from him thanking me for it, and that the phone was in the post. So what do I do upon reading this? Gallop down the post office and post off the second one. Of course, he'd never posted his phone, meaning the score was now him 3, me 0.

Had I left it there I could have just limped away as a common or garden twat. But oh no, I had to go and make the bold leap to the level of supertwat. After several unanswered emails I wrote some piss poor excuse of a threatening letter saying I had an uncle who was a lawyer, the usual shite.

The problem is, starting a letter "Dear "purpleza19", if that IS your real name..." isn't exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of evildoers everywhere.

To this day, I am so astounded at my own idiocy, it makes me do a little poo.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 22:50, 2 replies)

you had an address
why didn't you go around and wait at the address and kick the tripe out of him, or may rude gestures behind his back if he was a big bugger?
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 3:01, closed)

I have something to cheer you up ...
... Send me a mere £20 and I can ensure you receive a brand new, crisp £5 ... and there's more ! Buy 5 of them and i'll send you a 6th free !
(OvahLairD Whats a delivery tree ?, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 0:53, closed)