Arsenal Arsehole
A couple of years ago I was watching a football match. Arsenal V Stoke (or Middlesbrough, I forget) in the Carling Cup, to be precise (don’t judge me, I can’t stand The Fucking Arse, but a friend is a fan and had a spare ticket, and as it was the last year they were playing at Highbury, I wanted to add the ground to the list of ones I’d visited before I missed the chance).

We were seated next to two complete Neanderthals, two of the scummiest type of football ‘fans’ you can get. Foul mouthed, racist, angry, barely literate thugs.

After 45 minutes of listening to their ongoing torrents of abuse (I didn’t realise people still used the phrase ‘spear chucker’ until that day) and the a half time break of one of them shouting down his phone about his favourite fights and why Arsene Wenger is OK for a ‘Frog’. (‘yeah, but e’s a Gooner ain’t e, so e’s fahcking better than them’), the second half started.

And a decision went against Arsenal. And the thug was incensed. So incensed, in fact, that he threw his phone at the linesman (sorry ‘Assistant Referee’, I’m showing my age) in a fit of ragemissing by a good distance, fortunately.

And then he, for the first time all evening, went silent and still, before letting out a pained cry of ‘Faaaahck!’

And then he started pushing his way across the row of seats, and down the stairs, straight into the arms of the police heading his way.

The last I heard was him being dragged away shouting ‘You don’t understand, my wife might ‘ave a baby tonight, I need that phone, she’ll fahcking leave me…’

I was enjoying this moment immensely as it was, but then my opinion of Arsenal fans was raised several notches, as, to the tune of ‘You’re not singing anymore’ the chant started:

“You’ll be single
You’ll be single
You’ll be single in the morning”

Thanks, funny Gooners.




And, dude, I hope you missed the birth of your child. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 12:02, 2 replies)

Ahhh,
I love that last sentence - So true!
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 12:58, closed)

doesn't it frighten you
that not only was he a complete and utter cuntybits but that he was BREEDING???
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 14:45, closed)