It's an apocryphal tale about a friend-of-a-friend, and I hope to god it's true (though it probably isn't).
I'd like to think I or my friend of friend are not the only ones here who have phoned someone while on the loo. It makes sense after all - it's not like you can move or anything, and it's a constructive use of time. However, I am explicitly aware that there are those who hate to be phoned by someone taking a dump.

The girlfriend of said friend of friend was one of these people. He was nattering to her, trying his best to stifle the echo and occasional raspy farts that permeate the bathroom atmosphere. But alas, her wolf-like ears picked up the delicate sound of arse-lips vibrating together into the porcelain valley, and did admonish him.

Deciding to use the in for a penny, in for a pound approach, he decided to say "Yep! I'm having a shit! Listen!" He then places the phone to his arse to really treat her ears to a rectal rock concert.

Problem is, said fart came with a prize, to the tune of half a gallon of banoffee brown diarrhoea exploding from his arse like a fire hose, caking his hand and phone in sour smelling, rancid shit.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 16:51, Reply)