I once found a phone in the street.
I was in Nottingham with my girlfriend where she's at uni and we were walking somewhere (to the cinema I think) when I stumbled upon a silver Nokia N95 lying next to the kerb. It was a little beaten up, some scratches and whatnot but otherwise in good condition. As I was already the proud owner of an N95 I thought I'd be able to flog my new found mobile to a mate. Before that though I had a nosy through the contacts and found a great deal of names that had a Middle Eastern ring to them. There were no texts (or dirty pictures) to my dismay but I kept hold of it and thought nothing of it.

Fast forward a to that evening and me and the missus are sat watching tv when we hear a phone ringing from her room. It was only one of the bog standard ones that comes with the phone, nothing hilarious or comedic here. So I pick up but before I cold say hello I get a tirade of abuse hurled at me by a very deep voice with a thick, Middle Eastern accent. Some of the choice insults I received were along the lines of:

"How dare you steal from me, how fcuking dare you steal from me. Who the fcuk do you think you are stealing MY fcuking property!"

"You dirty fcuking thief, if I ever catch you I'll chop your fcuking hands off!"

After about a minute the bloke ceased to verbally rape me and I thought this would be my cue to say something. Unfortunately I have no witty comment, nor stunningly intellectual insult to put here, for all I said back to him was "Eat shit and die, you cum-dumpster" before hanging up and turning the phone off.

I sold the phone a few days later to a mate. I think the moral of this story is if you lose your phone and then ring it to find out if someones found it, don't be a twat and hurl abuse down the line because you won't get it back for definate.

Length? About a minute and a half.
(CableDolt is on the mind of a girl near you on, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 18:22, Reply)