Quim
Cheeky Pea-roast...

Back in the day me and my mate Dave had a running gag where we'd answer the phone as a made-up business with a rhyming tagline. I think it originated from an episode of the Simpsons.

So time and time again he'd ring me or I'd ring him to be greeted with something along the lines of:

"Archibald's Taxidermy - they snuff it, we stuff it"

or

"Necrophilia Unlimited - you slay it, we lay it"

It kept us amused but it's difficult to keep coming up with new ones and, being the childish cock-monkeys we were, they just kept getting more and more filthy.

You can already see where this one is going can't you.....?

Anyway inspiration hit me one day and I wrote one down ready for the next time Dave phoned. Lo and behold a few days later my phone rings and the display flashes "Dave:home".

In my best "I run a business" voice I answer it thus:

"Slim Jim's Quim Trim - you grow it, we mow it" and start giggling to myself.

I sensed something was wrong when there was no laughter from the other end and things got rather worse when a very female and not-at-all-Dave voice asked "Mark? Is that you? I'm looking for Dave".

Yup. I'd just asked my best mate's mum if she wanted her quim trimmed.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 12:14, 1 reply)

my Dad always used to say
"city morgue - you kill em, we chill em."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 3:21, closed)