Spiders and Head Clonking
Now I’m a bit of a liability when it comes to my mobile phone, when it rings I am 9 times out of 10 in a precarious situation, but instead of doing what a normal person would do and just let the bloody thing go to the answering machine, I will instead launch myself across the room like a greased whippet, injure myself on the way, but answer the call – I’m telling you this so you understand how much of a clusmy plonka I am, which will in turn explain how I got in the situation below:

Having recently moved into a new flat in London with my chappy I had taken a few days off work to clean the house and fill every corner with lots of my STUFF. It was around lunchtime and after cleaning the bathroom all morning I was pretty woozy from all the cleaning fumes so I decided to move into the living room and hoover with the windows open so I could breathe. I pushed all the furniture into a corner and started cleaning.

About 5 minutes in my phone rings, I could just about hear it so I turned off the hoover, ran over the cable, slid across the laminate flooring, nearly falling over, and scrambled to pick up the phone to my beloved. Strolling around the room with the phone in one hand and the hoover nozzle in the other nattering away I decided to hook up a jumper off the floor with the nozzle… then it happened. A MASSIVE spider crawled out of the jumper and up the hoover nozzle onto my arm. I screamed and flung the nozzle in the air, as a result of this the jumper fell on my face and the nozzle clonked me in the head. The spider, clearly surprised as much as me, hit the floor and ran towards me. Still holding the phone and still screaming I turned to run from the spider and got tangled up in the cables of the hoover, I hit the ground, but not before smashing my elbow on the coffee table and hitting my head on the floor.

Now while all this was going on my bloke was on the phone assuming I was being murdered so started shouting my name down the phone. I dragged myself up onto the sofa and then had to explain what had just happened… which resulted in a lot of laughing from him and me sobbing about my bruised head and arse!

I never did find that bloody spider either! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 4 Aug 2009, 11:08, Reply)