Tom Baker nearly read my filth!
A couple of years ago, when I still lived with the parents and was still a student, I was upstairs while they watched something pointless about family trees and was enjoying a textual relationship with a gentleman which this evening had taken a turn for the filthy (OK, so it did this every evening, but this evening was especially so). Replying to his latest description of what he would prefer to be doing, I hit send and put my phone down... just as the house phone bursts into life and chirrups merrily. Shit.

In what at the time was a very unusual move (Stalker Boy was still calling me fairly regularly to try and emotionally blackmail me into letting him talk at me for a few hours, or as he put it, "meet up"), I ran down the stairs, barged a bemused parent out of the way and launched myself at the phone.

"Good evening, are you the homeowner? We'd like to talk to you about the great offers we have on PVC windows this month!"

I've never enjoyed telling a cold caller to piss off more!

---

Another, similar tale is a lot shorter and once again involves me doing something naughty involving my phone and being away from the object of my affections. A couple of Christmases ago, I was dragged kicking and screaming back to my parents' house to spend the festivities with them, and away from my then-boyfriend, who I missed terribly and who missed me equally, so much so that we spent hours each week and tons of credit on texting and calling, mostly "I miss you and my family is doing my head in". One evening, after the parents have gone to bed at the unusually late hour of 10.30, the conversation under my duvet (my parents are strangers to privacy) turns to "I miss you and I'm horny... would much rather you were here so I could do this...". This reaches a satisfactory conclusion some time later, at a whisper from my end, and we both go to bed.

The next day, my parents go to town and return to the house with a leaflet, which my father pushes into my open hands saying "This is for you!" It's a leaflet for mobile phone tariffs, and emblazoned across the front is the phrase No More Dirty Talk!

Don't try and tell me that was a coincidence.
( Maladicta, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 22:08, 3 replies)

Ouch
Even if it wasn't the thought that your oldies think you are engaging in a little one handed combat is enough to make you right down to your organs cringe.

good story
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 2:56, closed)

Er, have I missed something?
Where does Tom Baker come into this?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 8:44, closed)

Text a BT landline...
He used to (and may well still) be the voice that reads it out.

PS: when you finish a text with x he reads it as kiss. He's clever like that.

PPS: He sounds funny when he reads "kiss my ass bee hatch". There's a chance that I may have too much time on my hands.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 9:53, closed)