Quaintly Queef McFucknuggets
Not quite me but hurrah, my ASBO neighbour from hell got "removed" from her home just before Xmas for being a complete cunt to all for the last 3 years. Since she moved in next door she has tormented myself and other neighbours with the usual partying until 5, screaming, banging, throwing human waste up gardens etc, a real product of the modern world is she.
When the complaints started flooding in she turned her attention to myself and my wife on Facebook and started sending threats and abuse toward us, much to the merriment of the local Police who kept copies of the lot (she was already known to them, how'd they pick up on this diamond in the rough?). It didn't help that the missus found 5 Facebook accounts for her when looking her up, including one she used for a sex site (oh god the photos, was like the fallout photos from the BP oil spill, charities have been set up for less).
She's a cracking catch by the way; mid 20's and only 2 children (so far), the smell of sweat and rancid clothes act as a camouflage for a creature only Jules Verne could write about. When she was living there her harmonic and poetic tones of "FUCKING HELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE DOING!!!!!" being screamed at her destined for care children resonated eloquently on a summer's night, the sound slightly dulled only by the constant background noise of her knuckles dragging along the floor. But hey guys, what are the chances, this crazy gal is single! If you're into fucking damp whales covered in sardine oil then get your wet suit on and dive in, she's probably game for it. Just bring 2 bottles of bleach with you just in case.
Before Xmas I received a polite message from her mum of all people through Facebook advising that it would be slightly noisy as she's having to move out. My straight reply of "No probs, Merry Xmas!" was all I could send back.
I'd like to thank the local wildlife charities that have helped in contributing to her new habitat, which is most likely a large field with fencing around it. I can only hope that the rope they use on the tyre swing is strong enough to keep her and her offspring happy.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 16:50, 4 replies)

WHAT THE FUCK ARE DOING!!!
BUT WHO WAS PHONE?

You have my sympathies, though: I once had a neighbour whose only form of communication with her children was by screaming at the top of her voice.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 18:30, closed)

Perhaps she thought they were far away rather than little.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Jan 2015, 20:05, closed)

+ and large.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 13 Jan 2015, 21:15, closed)

I think I need this to be explained to me by a priest.

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 21:20, closed)