I was nearly victim of a reverse mugging.
whilst leaving the local nightclub at kicking out(/off) time I bump into some girls who i knew from my old estate and start chatting just outside the doors of the club to find out how they've been etc.

their 'friend' (we'll call her sharon) comes out of the club and comes over to where we are standing, then she starts saying how some girl was giving her aggro inside and she's gonna give her a piece of her mind when she comes outside. said woman exits the club and sharon thrusts her hand bag into my hands and storms off to have it out with her newly aquired arch-nemesis 'essex girl' style. not thinking much of it i'm still standing there holding this bag and chatting to the girls about times past.

after a while sharon still hasnt come to get her bag back so i give it to one of the girls i was talking to and say give this to sharon i'm off home. at that point sharon comes back saying "where's my bag, someones took it". so the girl who i gave it to said "no it's here". sharon seeing an opportunity methinks then says "typical i bet someones nicked all my money now" and pulls out her purse to check.

now the fatal flaw in her plan was the fact she physically gave me her bag herself, no one else touched it until i gave it to her friend seconds before she came back, the bag wasnt opened once the whole time, i KNEW no one had taken any of her money.

despite this small detail she goes ballistic screaming "someones nicked AT LEAST 50 quid out of here" when in fact its much more likely she either

a) never had £50 to start with
or
b) spent it on barcardi breezers in the club

she then starts screaming about how that money was to feed her kids for the next two weeks and whoever stole it had taken the food directly out of their mouths.

the major problem with this was i did actually have about £50 in my wallet (which i'd taken out of the (rip-off £1.50 charge) cash machine in the club towards the end of the night) so i thought "shit, if she demands i get my wallet out it'll look like i stole her fictional cash"

not wanting to look guilty by walking off i decide i better stay until this is sorted otherwise i'll get the blame (and as there were coppers around, probably nicked).

luckily in the time we'd been hanging around outside the club one of my two cousins who were waiting for me so we could walk back home (being we live in the same direction) was being hassled by the site security (read jumped up twats on serious powertrips) and told to piss off home, in reply my cousin told him 1) to piss off himself and 2) that he was a failed copper and he should get a proper job. the security guard then grabbed my cousin (and a couple of his mates jumped in as well) he had his arms twisted up behind his back to near breaking point, they then frogmarched him off the site, but as they went his brother who had been standing with me saw this and ran over to find out what was going on, before he could get a word out the other security staff grab him and using similiar arm-locks also drag him off.

a security officer who was passing then tells me "you can f**k off as well". bollocks to that i thought, instead i follow them and talk to the one security person who is alright and i went to school with to find out what had actually happened. he doesnt know. so me and the girls (and the security guy) walk up to where the 6 security guys are dragging my cousins (it's also the way we have to go home).

the same security guard who told me to f-off saw me again and comes barrelling over trying to pick a fight saying "i thought i told you to f**k off" even though i was 20 feet away from the trouble and walking calmly talking to a security guy (my mate). i explain as simply as i can "i am f**king off, but those are my cousins whom i'm walking home with and this is the direction i need to go to f**K off" he sheepishly turns and walks away (twat).

now this is the kicker... along with the entire security team it took to drag my cousins off site they were accompanied by 2 or 3 real coppers, who saw nothing at all wrong with the security guards taking them right to the limits of the leisure park and instead of leaving them on the pavement, THROW THEM face first (with their arms still twisted behind their backs) into the road on the middle of a roundabout (which also has a blind approach so that any cars driving and given the time of night they go at great speed round there would not see them until they were less than 4 metres away) which happens to be the spot where the son of my mums friend was hit by a car after clubbing and was killed. understandably my cousins go mental at the way they've just put them in extreme danger and get up and start swearing at the security. so the police then arrest them and drag them right back to the original point we were standing in the first place and throw them in the meatwagon where they are issued with public disorder fines of about £80 each and then released.

so in short my reverse mugging of £50 was narrowly averted by the diversion caused my cousins who nearly got themselves killed and ended up paying £160 for their troubles. huzzah!


apologies for length? no chance, i stole the last 10 minutes of your life and theres nothing you can do about it *runs away*
( HatBeard, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 10:16, Reply)