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This is a question Mugged

Your Ginger Fuhrer was telling me the other night about going out in Birmingham after finishing a shift working in a bar. Very drunk, still dressed in his bar uniform, our fearless leader was mugged.

They stole his green stick-on bow tie.

(, Thu 15 Jun 2006, 14:58)
Pages: Latest, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, ... 1

This question is now closed.

A minot incident on a bus
Don't normally consider myself in danger of a mugging because of my size (16st) and certainly not in broad daylight on a packed bus but that's what happened.
Bus is full when I get on so am leaning against the luggage area. At the next stop two of your usual scumbags get up and pass me to leave the bus. On the way past the first one punches me in the stomach and grabs my Green Rider (leeds wkly bus ticket) out of my pocket while the second one rips the watch off my wrist. Luckily I manage to grab the second one by the neck as he tries to run out of the bus. He drops the watch and strangely the first one then gave me back my ticket in return for me not throttling his mate. They both therefore run off empty handed (although they wrecked my watch). Most annoying thing - not one person lifted a finger to help me - not the other people on the bus or the people queueing outside to get on! Barstewards!
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 23:09, Reply)
Its always south africa............
I spent a year in south africa before going to university. Fairly uneventful with regards to muggings apart from a couple of incidents.

Whilst staying in a rough part of Joburg (yeoville for any who knows it,and for those of you who don't, please bear in mind, johannesburg has the highest crime rate in the world) a few friends and myself decided to gatecrash the freshers party at Wits (joburg uni).

we were waiting for our hot italian friend to get ready. myself and the driver were in the car, the other 2 outside, in the entrance to the block of flats.

i was in the front passenger seat by myself after the driver got out (leaving keys in ignition) to call the others when a group of 5-6 guys ran up.

being quite naive at the time, my first reaction was, why is that guy jumping on koketso, does he know him?
in fact it was only when 2 hand guns appeared and were cocked that i realised we were getting hijacked.

i saw one of them run towards the car, and so i reached to take the keys out, but he grabbed my arm, held a flick knife to my chest, nicked my wallet and told me that my presence was no longer required.

the car sped off, they ran off, and we were left stunned and violated.

considering muggers in south africa generally dont think twice about shooting/stabbing/rapping their victims we considered ourselves quite lucky.

my advice to anyone who gets mugged, dont try to be a hero, you can always get more money and a new wallet.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 22:08, Reply)
Poor Dad
The family, (me, my 2 bros, and my Dad's GF, and my Dad) were all sitting at a cafe watching people on a crowded street.

Suddenly my Dad goes "watch that woman, she's pick-pocketing". So we all watched, and yes she was burrowing her hand into stupid Merkins purses.

We watched her turn around at the end of the street and come back again.

We all shifted our feet nervously wondering what to do about it, and on her third walk back up the street all eyes turned to my Dad expectantly.

He looked around at us as we all stared at him, waiting for him to do something. He had become "the chosen one". I could almost hear my Dad's brain whirring through the possibilities as he tried to find a way out of it and still save face in front of his kids.

Finally he rolled his eyes and jumped up from the table, probably cursing himself for ever having mentioned it in the first place.

He went running over to the woman, yelling at her to take her hands out of the victims purse. The crook raised her empty hands in the air as if to say "I'm innocent you idiot" and waved at an imaginary friend down the street and took off like the clappers. The victim's purse was hanging open, but nothing was missing.

So all's well that ends well, the pickpocket moved onto a different area to ply her trade and my Dad got to be a hero for 2 minutes.

Hmmm, guess not much good came out of it after all then. Oh well, the coffee and croissants were nice that we ate while we watched live crime.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 19:53, Reply)
My dad was mugged by a baboon once. My dad is about two meters tall and he does not get shit from people.

When we were on holiday in South Afrika, we went to see the Cape, it beautiful btw. The baboons there have learned to track tourists who buy soft drinks.
And let me tell you, they're not even that big but they have teeth as long as my index finger and when they come at you, you better toss them the drink. As my daddy was smart enough to do.

It proceeded to bite off the top of the bottle (smart monkey) but it was not yet smart enough to drink from the bottle: it puored the contents on the pavement and lapped it up.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 19:04, Reply)
Bag of poo
Back in the 80's, my uncle, aunt, and baby cousin came to visit my family. We decided to go to the zoo. My aunt had a very nice-looking diaper/nappy bag - it looked like a purse. This was, for some reason, left in the car while we gawked at the bears and such. At the conclusion of the gawkage, we returned to find the car's window smashed, and the bag missing. Yay, someone stole a bag of poo-filled diapers! I hope they enjoyed them.
Okay, fine, not really a mugging. Too bad, as this is the first time in a long time that I've had a story that's even remotely relevant...and it's about poo!
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 18:02, Reply)
well now u mention it, me and a couple mates always go out on new years get a hotel room n get roally pissed on anything
New Years 2000, two mates waitin outside the hotel get mugged of fones n all the cash they had on them plus some of our alcohol
New Years 2001, same two mates waitin outside the hotel (ud think theyd have learnt) n group of chav heads come up to them n demand their fones mate goes i dnt have one but he does pointin to our other matey, well now the muggers r jus plain pissin themselves feel so bad for my mate they gave him a can of australias finest n sed get some nicer mates
and that my b3tans is how to avoid a muggin!! Peace
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 17:37, Reply)
In Bristol one fine evening....
I got heartily smashed at some awful nightclub, typical of me at the time I had spanked all my money in the world (about £80) on having a goodtime. Several hours later finds me wandering up Park street sweaty Chicken burger in hand. As I munch down on the burger I am vaguely aware of two guys wandering up the road in the same direction in front of me (apparently this is a favoured tactic as it dosn't arouse the immediate suspicion that walking head on at people does). The next thing I know they spin round and knock my food flying, grab me and drag me into an alleyway where I immediately begin berating them for making me drop my food. They slap me about a bit and it dawns upon me that I am being mugged, they ask me for money which made me chuckle as I informed them that had they got me a couple of hours earlier they would have had 80 notes but now they were welcome to the fifty pence I had to my name as it was going in the pot of the next tramp up the road anyway... needless to say a few more slaps follow until one asks me for my credit card which I readily hand over (knowing full well with the amount it was overdrawn that I would probably be nicked if I tried using it again let alone anyone else) this seemed to placate them and they turned to leave, then as an afterthought one turned and asked if I was a student, I replied I was whereupon he HANDED THE CARD STRAIGHT BACK then promptly ran off
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 17:33, Reply)
I play hardball me.
Years ago, I lived in a teeny tiny place that had an unmanned station. My then girlfriend was supposed to call me from the payphone there (before mobiles it was) when she arrived for a weekend of fun and frolics.
Unfortunately, when she got there, some young scamps had just finished bashing it up and decided that she was next. Cue some jostling and hand bag thievery. Eventually some excellent young man intervened and walked her to mine. Once she'd explained what happened I bundled the excellent young man and my softball bat into my car and speed off to Crowthorne station.

Just before the station is a big grass roundabout, which at that moment had two scallywags titting about in the middle of it. 'That's them' says excellent young man. I park up across the way and with my bat slung over my shoulder cross the road and as nonchalently as my steaming rage will allow me. I wandered onto the roundabout and walk up the the nearest rapscallion. Without saying a word I hit a home run into his knee and then run at his little friend, giving him a hefty wallop too. I'm not a violent chap, so calmed down after I'd hit them both only a few times (hard mind).

I picked up her handbag, demanded their wallets and gave excellent young man a lift home and all the cash that they had on them.

I don't much like hitting people, but I'm a big bastard and hate bullies, so stiff shit.

After all that, she threw a big strop and went back to Bristol. I had a wank and went to bed.

Length? Girth.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 17:23, Reply)
Just got Dumped...
So just split up with love of my Life (Hi Helen, I'm sorry and I miss you) and decided to stop off and get fucking wasted so it didn;t hurt anymore. Only had 3 quid so bought 2 litres of glass bottled San Miguel (while remembering I had tequila at home) so I wondered home through Horfield (Bristol-Nice but not that nice) thinking dark thoughts , an 'erbert see's me and crosses the road, I subtly adjust my position on the bottle to "KILL" as I see he has his anorak over his arm as if concealing something... "Do you know where XXXX Road is" he says eyeing me , "Yep..up there and to the left" "Thanks he says..pauses and see's what I am holding and the manner of which I am holding it, I am also glaring intensely..."Thanks" and runs off....SHIT I think, now all I have got is beer and tequila to satisfy my self loathing.Bottle beats knife in the universal Mugging paper-rock-scissors game I guess.

I've also been asked the time many times...I never realised it was a precursor to mugging melarky...maybe my battered Seiko watch convinces them I am penniless...
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 17:15, Reply)
made a fiver
I was bastardly drunk one night in Soho and went to the Barclays cashpoint which, in those days, was very badly lit. There was a homeless chap wrapped up in a sleeping bag just to my right.
Just as I had tapped in my pin, a voice behind me said "is that yours?" pointing to a fiver on the floor. Definitely wasn't mine and I told him so, but he persisted, so I bent over to pick it up.
As I did, I heard the sound of my card being ripped out of the machine. I was pissed, but not so pissed as to miss that, and just pissed enough to be a bit brave and reckless.
I discretely asked the homeless guy which one of the fuckers had my car (there were about 5 italian-looking cunts hanging round). Mr homeless indicated with his eyes who it was so I went up to him and said "gimme my fucking card you cunt"
They all crowded round and started pushing me but I strangely didn't feel threatened. One of them started shouting "I fuck your mother, I fuck your mother" so I told him "yeah? you'll have to dig her up first, cunt" (she'd died about a month before).
After much jostling and giving evils, one says "your card is here, we never touched it" - it was UPSIDE DOWN in the cashpoint slot, so I pocketed it, got my mobile out and mimed calling the police- they ran (well they WERE Italians).
I thanked the homeless guy and gave him the fiver "bait" that I'd picked up, and he tells me "fuck me you were lucky- they stabbed someone here last week"
That's when my bum went "boo" and I started shaking like a shitting dog.

"I laugh in the face of length, tweak the girth of the dreadful spindly killer-cock"
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 16:33, Reply)
got accosted on my break from work on sunday night...
knowing full well i had nothing worth stealing on me as i was just grabbing some fresh air (walking up to see my friend working in another bar) i was rather nonchalant about the whole ordeal, until on producing the entire contents of my pockets, they snatched my brand new Zippo and Corona SpeedOpener...

...rendering me completely unable to perform my duties at work (opening bottles with said bottle opener), and unable to light pretty girls cigarettes. boo. It wasnt too scary, more annoying.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 15:30, Reply)
I certainly got my oats that night I can tell ya.
So I was right in the middle of a trip to the US, hoping to get lucky with this rather cute reporter who'd asked, well insisted I come and visit her. Even paid my air fare.

Anyhoo, the culture was taking a way bit of getting used to but that's another story.

One night, we're on our way home, taking a short cut through this alley (not the most intelligent move, I'll agree), when this punk wanders over and asks us to hand over our money.

The cute reporter starts getting her purse out and whispers to me

"... you'd better give him your wallet - he's got a knife"

"THAT'S not a knife!" I say ... and reach into my jacket and pull out this ginormous 18" machete.

"THIS - is a knife!"

The punk took one look at it and legged it.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 15:26, Reply)
irish logic
so my mate's boyfriend, a scrawny irish drunk with a severe weed habit, wanders down to coldharbour lane in brixton to try and score. he was soon approached by four enormous black guys who met his request to buy drugs with a demand for his wallet couched in no uncertain terms.

"you'll have to fight me for it," declared little aidan, who weighs maybe eleven stone soaking wet, putting up his fists. needless to say, they did, and it didn't take them long.

"wait..." slurred aidan, slithering to his feet and attempting to chase them as they walked off with his wallet, mobile, watch etc.

"can i have me bus fare?" !!!!!!!!!!!

and they actually threw him a pound!

this was only topped by my friend sarah, who, when hearing the story, said: "aaah, so they were nice muggers then." er - nice MUGGERS? WTF???
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 15:20, Reply)
Bar Brawl (with music)
Gonna cut this one short(ish)...

Every Wednesday we have a rock night in one the locals. Great night, great people, good music etc...

One night, some cocky rich kids come into the place (not chavs, but posh cocky bastards) and start giving some grief to a guy called 'freaky dave' (bit of a goth but a good lad), anyhoo these guys nick dave's expensive lighter and a whole lot of winging and arguing starts. It gets to a point where it looks like it's all gonna kick off, when I step in and kind of break it up. There's a few punches swung at me and I end up pushing this lad against a wall and tell him to f*ck off. After a brief scuffle they leave.

Following week. Having a drink with my mates (same place, same time) when these guys come back with some big bastards. They sit opposite me and start giving me the eye and before long he's come over and starts giving me all the mouthy shit. He then catches me off guard and punches me about ten times in the face, causing me to fall between the table and knocking all the drinks over.
At this point the large clatter and smashing has alerted all the regulars in the pub and in traditional wild west style - everybody including the barman, DJ and the landlord has got someone or other in a headlock or full nelson. I meanwhile am still struggling with this fucknut who attacked me and manage to swing him off me. Suddenly he 'jolts' backwards violently and I notice my good friend keith has reached behind him and grabbed him by his nostrils. I kid you not his fingers were up his nose and he's being dragged backwards across the seat. I'm never a man to waste an opportunity, so i promptly give him a few heavy kicks to the balls, before I too am dragged across another table (covered in beer and glass)by somebody caught up in the skirmish... After a few seconds it's all over and the would be attackers had been vanquished (and barred) by an effective counter attack.

I was bought about five pints that night and can now proudly say I almost started a bar brawl.

(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 14:42, Reply)
Carry On Mugging
One of my friends who was studying at Coventry lived in an undesirable part of town but had not really experienced any problems being fairly street savvy.

One day he left his house to go to the shop for some cigarettes. Half way there a hoodie bloodclaat stepped out in front of him and asked for his moeny and mobile. Mate didnt want to give said items up and bluntly said 'No' and legged it into the road. The mugger gave chase.

Cue Benny Hill Theme Tune.

The next fifteen seconds or so were spent racing around and around a parked car on the side of the road until mate made a break for it and reached his house, got inside, grabbed a cricket bat and hid behind the front door till the mugger ran off.

I blame the parents.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 14:38, Reply)
Muggings eh?
Been mugged a fair few times.

Once got a bit of a kicking from six or seven scouse chaps on a bus from Liverpool. Managed to get myself in a position where i was tucked under the seat and had time to grab one of my assailants and pull him on top of me. At this point there were lots of fists and feet flying in my direction, but i was relatively safe as I used that one guy to shield myself. I think he absorbed about 50% of the blows.

The bus then stopped and they all jumped off. I remember looking at him as he staggered off with his bloody nose... poetic justice?

ap0l0gi3z f0r teh l3ngth...
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 14:15, Reply)
Aids excuse
The whole 'dont make me bleed i have aids' does seem to work. A certain character at my work is known for getting himself out of trouble using only his mouth, this is not a sexual story btw.
After being ejected from some drinking establishment he decided to berate the knuckle-draggers employed to 'bounce' the place. After taking some stick they decided to give chase, when they caught him he was just about to recieve a biff in the chops when he cried out, 'Dont, please i have aids and im not well' according to those who bore witness to this, the bouncers seem to immiediatley put distance between themselves and the self proclaimed aids victim, he then got up, flicked em the V's and jumped in a taxi. Not a mugging i know but the whole aids excuse i thought warranted a mention. apologies for wasting bits of your lives, but you didnt have to read this!!!
Length and Girth? Like a pencil!!! What do I win?
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:46, Reply)
Parisian Muggers
In december last year i was in paris visiting my freind at uni there. My last night there we proceeded to go out and get well and truely wankered. When we left i decided that i wanted food and wandered off telling my mates that i would meet them on the metro (underground) platform. Somehow i manage to beat them there so i sat down, and rang them to see how long they were going to be. Just after i had hung up i noticed i was surrounded by three yoofs. Two of them sat either side of me with one stood in front. Bearing in mind i was exceptionally drunk and my french speaking abilities consist of a C at gcse, the enirely french conversation went along the lines of "can we borrow your phone?" "i dont have a phone, its in england" and went on like this for a quite a bit until it turned to "give us your phone, or we'll hit you" que drunken stupidity, "i've told ya, my phone's in england" They appeared to lose intrest at this point and leave nicking only my fags until after about 3 minutes of realisation one of my assailents returns to give me my phone back that one of them had managed to nick out of my pocket with out me noticing, saying that it was too old and shit to actually sell and gave me a new pack of fags to appologise for the inconveniance caused

(muchos apologies for general overwhelming size)
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:37, Reply)
possibly not so much a good idea, as a very bad one.

QUOTE: If a mugger threatens you with a knife,stay calm and say "stab me if you want,but I have AIDs and if one drop of my blood touches you, you get it too".

I'd be very suspicious of any advice to tell a violent probable homophobe that you have AIDS.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:35, Reply)
How low can you go?
Living up in Handsworth was always fun - the number 16 stopped running past ours because it got a brick through the window every time it made it through Lozells. Anyhoo.

Mate went out to get his weekly dose of grease and noticed a couple of blokes hanging outside the chip shop.
"Got any money?"
"No, sorry mate"
"Oh. OK"
Went inside, got his usual (Pukka pie, chips, peas), and stepped outside to be greeted by one of his new friends.
"No money, eh?"
"No, all I had was enough for my dinner"
Cue back of the head with a baseball bat and disappearance of dinner.

Who steals your dinner?
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:27, Reply)
Not exactly mugged
a few years ago, i must have been about 15, i was walking home late night and about to cross the road, adhering to the green cross code of looking left, right and left again.

there was a car a bit down the road, but going at the speed he was i had ample time to cross the road, and then watch paint dry before he go to me.

as i started crossing the car full of chavs sped up, obviously trying to freak me. it didn't work and i carried on my pace accross the road. they narrowly missed me, and then they stopped to give time for all the chavs in the car to wind down windows and throw that ever so painful verbal abuse at me.

As they started going on their way again, i finally think of a great classic comeback; the one finger salute. they stop again, and the door start to open, and all i see is a couple of trackie bottomed legs coming out of the car door, before quickly dissapearing again then the door closes and they speed off.

shitting bricks at what they were about to do, i look around in amazement wondering if they though i was too 'ard for them to take (i was about 5.5 at the time, and not very big or muscly), or if something else scared them off, coming up the road was a cop car, obviously not seen what had happened, but still enough to scare them off.

not very interesting story, i know. but oh well.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:19, Reply)
A while ago,a friend gave me a good anti mugging tip.

If a mugger threatens you with a knife,stay calm and say "stab me if you want,but I have AIDs and if one drop of my blood touches you,you get it too".

Its not strictly true,but most dumb chavs only know the very basics about such diseases,and so wont stab you.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 13:05, Reply)
A mugging with a twist...
Coming out of a local water-ing hole in my uni days, on the way to my place.

A guy steps out (10 foot tall at least, honest) and says "give me your money", apparently I'd drunk enough to become rather brave, but not enough to find myself able to laugh at having my money taken with such a cliché. Anyway, all I had on me was £20, which had to pay for my food for the next 3 weeks, as well as the phone bill which was £30 on its own.

I told him this and said he could go to the effort of beating the shit out of me for the sake of £20, or he could piss off and mug someone who could afford it. With that, I turned around and strolled (ok..walked as fast as I could) away. "Wait a second, mate", he shouted. "Mate?", I thought.

He only proceeds to tell me his name, point to his house, and tells me to return the £10 to him when I can afford it, yes, the £10 he's just slipped into my top pocket. This mugger not only let me keep my money, but gave me some of his own.

Ok, probably not that funny, but it was the easiest £10 I ever made, I called it mugger's tax. ;)

*pop* My b3ta virginity is gone.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 12:54, Reply)
They're aren't hobos, they're residents!

RE the 42... yeah they do, and the 192 night service does. I think I'll get a cab, ta! FYI, the Taxi ranks have security too...
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 12:28, Reply)
I was accosted late one night in Manchester a few years ago.

I was just around the corner from home when three youths with sharpened screwdrivers relieved me of my wallet, phone, watch and 4 Es I'd picked up for the weekend.

I was a bit miffed to say the least but the worst part was seeing the same three lads a couple of days later (in the day this time) and getting grief off them because apparently my Es were mongy.

Cheers, I'd have liked to find that out for myself as it happens...

Incidentally, I always found the hobos at Stockport bus station very helpful in guiding a drunken boy to the right stop to get home.
The worst bus for fights is by far the UK North 42 aka the "Party Bus." I hear they even have security now.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 12:22, Reply)
I lived in Stockport til Friday... I hate the 192 route (and 203 for that matter) soooo much I moved to Manchester City Centre to avoid it! (and becuase the apartment I'm in is a fookin bargain!)

(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 12:08, Reply)
A friend and I...
were walking through a rough part of Immingham many years ago when some proto-chav pulled out a knife and said 'Come on then!'.

We laughed at him and walked off. Poor lad.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 12:01, Reply)
I'm not sure I believe it, but my mum assures me it's true.
My aunt was walking down the road with a Sainsburys carrier bag, when some chavvy bloke grabbed it and ran off.

Contents of bag: 1 dead cat that my aunt had had put down earlier that day.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 11:29, Reply)
Dead lucky
My Dad thought he was going to be mugged once, in broad daylight in Finchley FFS! He was walking along minding his own business when he sensed/heard a yoof coming up behind him a bit too quickly to be natural. Luckily he was nearly home and quickened his own pace...the yoof sped up and called out:

'Hey, Dad, slow down!', yep, 'twas me.

My worst encounter was not too bad at the time but got progressively worse. (If I apologise for length in advance, will the judge take it into consideration?). Here goes.

I was young, in love and 22 yrs old and broke and living in Acton. I needed money so took the first job I found. Night shift at the 7-11 in Kings Street, Hammersmith. Not too bad considering, but one night at around 2am a young black youth came into the shop and the other guy on with me, who was Nigerian, told me that the black guy was barred from the shop for shoplifting, and I should chuck him out. I walked round the counter and confronted the guy. Now I'm not tall (5'7" since you ask) and this kid was about the same, and a few years younger than me. I told him he was barred and would he please leave. Instead, he stepped right up to me with his face about six inches from mine and said "What if you was barred from the hospital cos you was in the cemetary?" or words to that effect. While I was churning over the exact meaning of his interesting metaphor I said something else like, "Well, it's not down to me, but I can't serve you, so can you go please." (should have become a diplomat!). Long story short, he left. Local cops dropped in soon after - only shop open for poor beat bobbies - and we told them this tale. They went looking for him - they knew who he was - and found him not far off. He pulled a knife on the copper!

This 15 yr old kid was well known to the fuzz and they tried to get me to testify in court that he threatened my life. When I found out they say "Are you Mr Che Grimsdale of 145 Short Lane, London" I decided to decline.

Not funny I know, unless you've ever met me and you try to picture me facing up a 15 yr old knife wielding gansta. Still, I've now got an office job while he's probably either dead or in prison...or possibly a successful drug baron.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 11:25, Reply)
but surely 'despatching' people with more than...say two...offences and spaying their offspring (if they had any) would solve all this muggery and crime business for good.

Leaving the rest of us humans to live in a world not unlike the one in the picture that jehovah's witness' show you on a Sunday morning, when you've got a steaming hangover.

*brace position*

& yes I have been mugged & no it wasn't very nice...at all.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 11:25, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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