three-nil!
This happened maybe a year and a half ago, whilst I was still in High School. The High School that I attended was a notorious chav pit, indeed, a friends mother (who works in reception there) told us that five of the girls currently attending the fifth year are pregnant.

Anyway, it was in my own fifth year, and I was standing in 'Mosher Corner' with my fellow non-chavs (about 30 of us in total, out of about 1,000 students) including one of my friends who isn't too bright, but is bloody strong. His name is Mike.

A group of about 50 chavs walk up to us, and all the little ones in first year start shouting general abuse at us. We ignore them, and they gradually get closer and closer. Eventually, some of the little ones are abotu a yard away, and one turns to Mike and says, "I fucked your sister."

Mike doesn't even have a sister, but that didn't stop him giving the little bastard a swift kick to the balls. Little chav goes down.

Mike 1, Chavs 0

Then, the older chavs, some of the ones in our own year start making their way towards us, with general shouts of, "Pick on someone your own size!" and words to that effect. One of them takes a swing for Mike, which he deftly avoids, and he (Mike that is) says,
"I don't want to fight you."
"Too bloody right you don't!" replies the chav, swinging again. Mike decides that this isn't the time for negotiating, and before the chavs fist completes its ark, he leans forward and nuts the chav in the nose. Chav goes down, with a broken nose.

Mike 2, Chavs 0

Later on, on the way home, I was lucky enough to be walking with Mike, as we'd both been kept back after school, Mike for fighting, and myself for witnessing.

As we walked, a car pulls up beside us with its window rolled down.
"Are you the guy who nutted my brother?" demands the chav inside.
"Yeah." replies Mike.
"Right," says the chav (and here's where the mugging comes in), "give me your phone, or i'll bang you out*."
"Fuck you." says Mike. Now the chav gets out of his car, and takes steps towards myself and Mike. Mike punches the chav in the stomach, and knees him in the face. He then grabs the chav, turns him round to face his car again, and forces him halfway through the open window.

Mike 3, Chavs 0

You may, or may not, have noticed that I don't actually do a lot in this tale. I generally don't. Mainly it's cowardice; partly it's the fact that I hang out with Mike, so I don't particularly need to.

This brings me to the conclusion of the story. Final score: Mike 3, Chavs 0.

Apologies for length and whatnot.

*'Bang you out' is chavish for 'cause you bodily harm'
(tero if I had a website, this is where I would plug it, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 21:06, Reply)

I love question of the week, always brings memories flooding back
I lied before when I said I have never been mugged. Walking through the red light district of amsterdam, in broad daylight mind, I came across a fucking fagin tribute act of a mugger. Right down to the long trench coat

Affecting a stoned stagged he proceeded to weave his way back and forth across the road. It was sheer coreography as he stumbed sideways approximately 15 feet to 'accidentally' bump into my boyfriend. His plan was the old dip into the pocket for the wallet trick. Luckily he was about as subtle as a dog with a drawing pin in it's knackers. My boyfriend yelled 'HEEEEEYYY!' in a comical fashion. Fagin goes off, waving mumbled apologies, a look of resignment on his raddled hobo face.
It's lucky he didn't get the wallet, else we wouldn't have had any money to spend on ganje.
(Kazza , loathing myself so you don't have to, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 20:42, Reply)

finsbury park
some shit cunt tried to have me up for my dosh right outside the station.

i pulled my cock out and started wanking it and pulling faces like when you have a shit.

he fucked off pretty sharpish.
(bovrilboy, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 19:33, Reply)

i got mugged in brixton.
i was just another guy high on life and they decided to hijack my plane, having descended to my altitude from outer space, recovering enough motor skills on the way down to take the job on.

it was in the park outside the fridge, quite late. you know it? good. don't go there at night pissed up and friendly - crack addicts don't appreciate friendly.

mind you, they do give you your cash card back, keeping only your cash.

'here you go mate' they say, handing your card back.

it wasn't too hard to suppress the 'thank you' that was eagerly climbing up my throat...

i'm quite polite really.

and just in case you're wondering... white.
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 19:30, Reply)

One from a friend
My mate Ash (lovely fella) was outside Camden tube on his phone, when a guy grabbed it out of his hand and ran down Camden Road. Ash immediately started running after him, and the mugger, who had slowed down a bit, clocked him and realised he was actually going to have to try and get away. He started properly running, which caused his own phone to fall out of his trousers. Ash grabbed it and dialled his own number.

The guy agreed to meet in the World's End and they exchanged phones, but not before Ash had been home and tooled himself up with every sharp knife in the kitchen drawer. When the mugger realised how well-armed his would-be victim was, he practically shat himself.

And as for his poor running away? He said, "No-one ever chases you, they usually just stand there and shout 'Hey, someone stole my phone!'"

This is the same Ash, who was extremely coy when a strange guy came over and gave him a crate of beer and left. When we pushed him to tell us what was going on, he revealed that the previous night, he'd chanced upon this guy being mugged in Crogsland Road, taken on the muggers and floored them both with Capoeira. The guy's a hero.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 18:12, Reply)

The only time
I was at uni in Leicester. I'd popped round to visit my gf who lived with a couple of my mates from school. One of them came home telling us how he's scored some weed off a couple of guys in the street.

It wasn't weed, it was some herbs or something. After laughing at him for a bit, we were sitting around when the doorbell rang. He answered the door and the same two guys (must have followed him home) burst into the house and grabbed my missus. The other one grabbed my arm and took me to the cashpoint on the corner, saying that if I didn't get them £50 for some coke, they'd do bad things to her. So I put my card in the slot, and hit "£50". Insufficient funds. The guy told me, "£30 then". Again, insufficient funds. Eventually he managed to get a tenner off me. I told him he might have better luck robbing rich people. Anyway, they let her go, and we were left to nurse injured pride.

A few days later I was chatting with a guy called Hedge I knew from over the road who was apparently very well connected in that area (impossible to describe, but he used to be a roadie for Gaye Bykers on Acid and he had HEDG and EHOG tatooed across his knuckles). Mentioned what happened, and he asked me to describe the two muggers. I didn't think much of it until the next day when I was having tea over at my girl's house and there came a frantic knocking on the door. We looked through the spyhole (wiser now) and it was the two muggers. When we refused to open the door, they pushed the money through the letterbox and shouted promises that they'd never come near us again. From then on, we never had another bit of trouble in that area.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 17:53, Reply)

Kuta, Bali
Last November I went for a two week holiday on my own to Bali, Indonesia. I was alone as I had two weeks holiday to use up, and none of my friends didn't have enough holiday spare. I chose Bali as I knew there would be other random backpackers there and I wouldn't be stuck for meeting people.

Now by all accounts this is Australia's Magaluf but thankfully for me some Islamic militants had the foresight to bomb the place one month earlier, thus cutting the holidaying population by 80% and making it a lot calmer and not packed full of noisy, annoying Aussies.

So at the time of this story I was hanging out with a bunch of Irish guys and boy do they like to drink. I of course am no stranger to this myself and we frequently went out and got bladdered, much fun was had and the local Indonesian ladies went home happy.

Anyway one night after a good drinking session I was walking home down Poppies 2 (it's a road!) and was approached by a lady on a motorbike. Obviously she was going to try and sell something to me as that's what everyone does in Bali. You can't walk a metre down a street in Kuta (the main holiday town) without some guy shouting 'Transport?' (even if you're on a bike at the time) or some girl (usually old) shouting 'Massase?' followed shortly by 'Jiggy-jiggy?' i.e. sex. They can't pronounce soft 'g's apparently.

So this girl on a bike approaches me and asks 'You want jiggy-jiggy?'. I turn away, don't look at her and say no, but she comes right up to me and starts cupping my length in her hand and repeats the question. I repeatedly say no and wait for her to leave, which she does a few seconds later.

Happy at not having been raped by a prostitute, I continue walking back to my hotel, but after a few steps I sense that something's wrong - my trousers don't feel right. And - you may be one step ahead of me here - reaching down into my pocket I feel that my wallet has gone. I desperately turn round and start running in the direction of the motorbike, but (a) I'm drunk and can't run, and (b) she's on a motorbike, FFS.

So I got mugged by a girl. Luckily there wasn't too much money in my wallet, but it did have my cards and it took me about 20 phone calls and two and a half days to get any cash, as Barclays / Visa fucked it up royally. I did manage to stiff them for compensation afterwards though. And I managed to borrow enough cash from the Irish guys to tide me over in between so I was OK really.

Apart from that it was a fantastic holiday. Apologies for length but she didn't complain.

Oh yeah, that's my qotw cherry popped. Ithangyew.
(Karlos the Marmoset this message may self destruct at, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 17:21, Reply)

The Police, they suck.
I got mugged when pissed. My wallet was taken, along with my watch and i-pod. The wallet was handed into the police station by an old lady. All the money was gone, but a note was inside. It read, as this is true:

"I mug people all the time. I find it amusing. I don't even need the money. I feel big, clever and thoroughly satisfied. It will teach cocks like you to stop wandering around hammered with your flashy ass i-pods and watches. Well, of coarse you'll stop flashing them around, cus I took them and sold them. ha ha."

The policeman laughed. “It’s funny cus it's true”, apparently. I now sleep soundly at night, knowing the long arm of the law is always 1 step behind these criminal master minds. Lazy, good for nothing, fat f*ck coppers.
(Jeeves, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 17:10, Reply)

Glastonbury
Yes , the festival. A time of enjoying yourself in the sunshine/mud, getting pissed, stoned and listening to the bands. Sounds good? My mate was in his sleeping bag in the tent when 2 scousers came in, held a knife to his throat and went through all our stuff. What they want with my pants and an old t shirt, Ill never know. I sat outside the tent and watched them robbing loads of people. The police turned up but they were gone in the crowd. In the morning there were bags all over the place where they had been ransacked.
Then, my mate, or Lucky as we called him, asked someone he had met for about an hour to carry the rucksack which had the beer in it. He promptly went for a piss and was never seen again.
Then, my fucking mate, got approached by 2 huge, scouse security guards. Told him the beers he had just bought were "illegal" so he had to give them the beer or receive a kicking.
We didn't want to hang about with him anymore so we decide to go home. Only to find the car was, that's right, nicked.
He did redeem himself by having a load of cash in his socks, which paid for loads of beer in way home and then we got a free lift in an ambulance which was loaded with weed, beer and all the other goodies. Result. The Spirit of Glastonbury lives on. But not with scousers.
(Kihap, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 17:05, Reply)

brighton rocks
my 21st birthday session down in brighton. got frighteningly drunk all day with bunch of mates, and ended up a club in an old scout hut on the promenade when big beat was king of spazz dancing. when the whole thing ended we wobbled outside and ended up titting about outside the club for about an hour or so not wanting to retire to our hotel for the night. we were kept entertained by the various freaks on the sea front until 4 chavvy bastards started giving us shit and knocking us about generally, the upshot of which they promptly apprehended our wallets, and sauntered off...probably thinking how easy it is to nick off drunk students. the staff from the club came out while we were still scratching our heads, explained to them what we thought had just happened and pointed up the promenade to the two cunts walking away. they jumped in a car, bombed it up the pavement knocking one of the chavs over. two of them then got out the car, opened the boot and got baseball bats out and gave the two chavs a hiding. got back in the car drove back down the promenade, gave us back our missing wallets and invited us back to theirs to get further spannered. at least i think thats what happened.
(balboa, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 16:55, Reply)

Alsatian attack
When i was about 5 or 6 i was stood at the end of my drive eating a chocolate bar. Next doors Alsatian bounded over and started sniffing my chocolate (ooh er). When i thought he wasn't looking i risked a sneaky bite, next thing i know the hound has got my face in it's mouth and i'm down one choc bar. Had to have stitches in my lip and forehead and still have the scars (i tell people i got stabbed, makes me sound cool)

Dog didn't get put down, in fact it lived next door for about 5 more years. I got mugged by a dog :(
(Pesky Eskimo Gadzooks!, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 15:46, Reply)

A friend and I...
Were walking home at 1am after a BBQ just this weekend gone past and got attacked by about 8 or 9 kids. No reasons other than pure amusement and bloodlust I guess. It lasted all of 1 min and both of us received quite a bit of damage to our heads(broken nose, black eyes, etc..), but when they scarpered back from whence they came my mate shouted, "YOU LADS COULDN'T PUT DOWN A DYING DOG!" Oh how we laughed on our way into casualty.
(poop_chute, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 14:27, Reply)

Crap Protection Racket
While on a school trip in Barcelona (Ha! School trip my arse! The teachers spent most of the time in various pubs, leaving us totally unsupervised. But that's a story for another time.) Back to relevant matters, we spent a happy week of larking around, pestering the locals and purchasing things no English shopkeeper would dream of selling us. On the last day we had nothing to do except wait for the coach to show up, so passed the time by walking around the street in small groups.

On one such walk, myself and a couple of mates were stopped by a stranger who, friendly enough, started chatting to us "You're from England?" "You here on trip, yes?" and so on. He then started warning us about the criminal element in Barcelona, telling us about all the dangerous people around. But, he said, we could be safe! All it took was for some money to pass from our hands to his, and he would put the word out amongst his criminal chums that we were not to be touched.

After several attempts to get it into his head that this was our last day, ("Look, in less than an hour we'll all be hopping on a coach and going home. We haven't been the victims of any crime all week, and we don't really need to pay protection money now") I gave up, mentally classified him under 'idiotic foreigner' and strolled off, muttering something along the lines of "You two talk to him, he's too stupid to understand me".

A few minutes later I was standing in the hotel lobby sipping a drink when another mate shows up.
"Where're Steve and Coleman?" says he.
"They were talking to some local cretin when I left them" I replied.

So we strolled back into the street, and sure enough there they were, still standing in front of this feller, stammering words to him. Me and Jamie joined them.
"Oh God, you're not still talking to this feller are you? Just tell him to bugger off" I instructed them.
The chap was clearly getting quite agitated now, downright demanding that Steve and Coleman give him money. We were saved at this point by Laurence, another member of our group 6ft tall and nearly as wide across the shoulders, who arrived and, catching the drift of what was going on, told the man that we didn't have any money in increasinly raised tones until he eventually backed off.

After he had gone, I turned to the others.
"Why didn;t you just tell him to sod off, or just walk off yourselves?" I asked.
"Because he had a bag full of needles and was threatening us" they replied.
"Really?" was my shocked response. For indeed, while they had noticed the slightly crazed look in his eyes and the bag full of hypodermics, I hadn't and had thought the feller was just a money-seeking nutter who would go away if ignored, rather than the drugged-up and potentially murderous mugger that he was.

In short, while my friends were being mugged, I responded to the mugger with all the tact of a colonial British Major, then left them to be threatened with a used needle-stabbing while I went to get a drink.

Apologies for excessive length, but it is one of my favourite stories.
(Uncle Comrade, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 13:50, Reply)

Cockney violence up north
Was leaving the local with a few mates and happened upon a cockney fellah who was giving his girlfriend loads and loads of shit. None of our business mind, but he then started pushing her and slammed her against a wall.

My mate Keith (again) hates violence to women (and also cockneys cos he's a tad xenophobic)and shouted something along the lines of 'hey big man is that how you sort problems out down south or what?'... needless to say, the man was unimpressed and started walking towards us glaring and wild eyed.
We almost laughed when he shouted 'you fackin norvan wankers, I'll fackin have you all!' (there were five of us)... so we stood back as Keith calmly dodged a few of this guys punches and then keith punched him solidly in his nose. The guy walked off with his girlfriend round the corner for a few seconds... and then - they both came running back at us. Yes! The cockney and his 'bird'...

We couldn't do anything but laugh as they both started screeching and wailing and flailing at us (yes all five of us)... there was little we could do but avoid hitting them (I mean five against two?).So,we had no choice but to walk away laughing.

But, that's what you get for trying to help.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 13:45, Reply)

Something that my mate witnessed
Many years ago in sunny Newton (don't worry if you've never heard of it - it's got the highest incest rate in europe by all accounts)

My good friend was waiting at a bus stop late at night. He then noticed two local fellah's who had a bit of a reputation for being complete psycho's... they were walking towards the bus station obviously looking for trouble. Now, my mate has had trouble with these guys before and did all he could to keep his head down to not be seen.

Luckily for him, they didn't see him and proceeded towards two young lads who were also waiting at the bus station. The bigger of the two psycho's walks up to the two lads and drags him from his seat and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. The second psycho turns to the other boy and says 'don't even f*cking think about helping your mate or you're next!'. Now, this lad carries on drinking from his can of coke as his mate gets a solid kicking from the psycho's. After a few seconds the lad gulps the rest of the drink down, tears the metal can into two sharp pieces, stands up and walks behind the bigger of the two fellah's. He then plunges both sides of the metal can straight into the man's ears, dropping him like the cowardly shit he is. The other nutter is still leaning over the victim, pummeling him in the face, unaware that the screaming coming from behind him is coming from his mate.

Now the lad cooly takes a few steps back before running forward and kicking the psycho as hard as he could in the testicles. By all accounts this guy lifted about three feet from the floor with a big girly scream. The boy then calmly kicks him in the face, helps his bleeding friend up and walks away.... leaving the two muggers with perforated ear drums (hopefully) and damaged testicles.

How good is that?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 13:26, Reply)

Damned hookers...
A friend of mine was robbed by a hooker in Barcelona recently (and not in the buisness kind of way...)

Said woman accosted him late one night on the Ramblas offering her services. My friend politely declined, whereupon the woman left, having relieved him of his wallet.

He didn't notice anything.

Then some bloke walks up to him, speaking some gibberish (i.e. spanish) and pointing at his wallet. My friend, in his slightly drunken state, decides that this guy is going to rob him and sort of waves him away with some "i-don't-have-any-money" line or other and walks off. The guy is persistant, though, and follows him for a while, speaking in tounges and pointing at his wallet. My friend kindly points out to him that he has no intention of parting with his wallet and the guy finally gives up.

The next day, when my friend finds his wallet missing, all falls into place. The guy had actually be saying something along the lines of: "Look, mate, this hooker just took your wallet!"

If the guy had intended to mug him, why would he have shown my friend the wallet, fer chrissakes?!?
(angurgapi So now I'm a mathematician. Now what?, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 13:24, Reply)

Middlesbrough...
... is the by a long way the worst place I have ever been in my life. So imagine my glee at having to spend 3 years there at university.

On my first day there I saw a bunch of kids (under 10s) role a car over... they then sat there and waited for the police to arrive before hurling abuse at them, as they knew they could get done.

Anyway, after various stabbings of students and various acts of violence in the first couple of months, imagine my further joy at seeing a group of six young Asian teens (one carrying a big stick) race out from one of the university halls as I walked home slightly pissed and stoned back from a mate's one evening. As soon as I saw them I knew I was in trouble, but just carried on walking hoping that they'd not noticed me. Well, that didn't last long.

They all stop running, and the gobbiest one tells me to give him my money as they all approach. Anyway, I have a grand total of 50p, but I say "No".

The gobby one then smacks me in the mouth and without thinking I punch him full on in the face back... and he down he goes. So there I am, the other five staring, a bit shocked, at me and me staring a bit shocked back at them... when I come to my senses and run like fuck.

Luckily they didn't follow me.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 12:43, Reply)

Chavs in sunny nottingham
I was walking back home with me mate craig one delightfull afternoon in nottingham when i noticed a very small gap between a bus shelter and a wall that some chavs had parked their bikes across.
I nimbly lept over the bikes and continued on, my mate craig who aint a small chap and was walking behind me, was blocked by one of the younger chavs with the older one backing him up.
Before i could turn to back craig up he had dispatched the younger chav with a full Rugby hand off to the face and continued on as though nothing had happened..
The older Chav looked confused, we mused the situation on our way home...
(Keir, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 12:29, Reply)

After reading some of these entries....
Once, in never never land, a 'friend' of mine was walking down the street when a little chav jumped out from behind two giant toadstools... But they had picked on the wrong person because my mate was the karate champion of the universe and had just finished a stint in the intergalactic killing squad so he grbbed him by the head and ripped his spleen out through his nose...

needless to say that he didn't bother anyone again... ho ho ho...
(likeajackhammer, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 12:03, Reply)

Bloody Romans!
My favourite failed mugging attempt was in Rome, when I was walking through some cloistered piazza or another, past street cafes and bistros, admiring the architecture and stuff. A group of about 8 little gyppo kids apparate in front of us and start holding out their hands for money. We weren't about to dip our hands in and show where our stashes were, so we politely ignored them and persevered.

Switching to plan B the little sh1ts then crowded round us and started padding down our pockets to work out where to dip, so I'm surrounded by grabbing kids who then get more bold and grab at my camera that I've tied to my bag (on the inside). At this I got all indignant and using my Lonely Planet Guide to Western Europe On A Shoestring as a bludgeon, firstly to coax them away, and then to knock them off. From nowhere I also developed an Imperial British Officer voice and started calling them curr, rapscallion and reprobate. I've no idea why, but it felt good.

Seeing it escalate the locals looking on in the cafe's are roused to assist and chase the little buggers away, cursing them more effectively in Italian.

So, they got nothing, but I still say, apart from being able to walk the streets in safety, what have the Romans ever done for us?!
(Jibber Jabba The Hutt, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 11:50, Reply)

Muggers make me have very illiberal thoughts
Twice previously people have attempted to mug me, but on this occasion they pulled it off. I was on my way home from work on a sunny evening in Plaistow, East London, gabbering on the phone to my mate. Without warning my phone it snatched from my ear by some be-tracksuited twunt who has done this on the run and is fast getting away. He runs off across the road (past any number of by-standers who just watch like slack-jawed spacktards) and I give chase.

After maybe 30 seconds of chasing, when it's clear that I'm not gaining, I gave up chasing to concentrate on cursing him to hell and damnation.

I recall telling him to run home to be bluntly sexual with his crack-whore mother and use the phone to call his dad in prison who was, as we spoke, being arse-raped to death. Clearly outgunned by my quick tongue, he had no reply and was gone.

So, sated, to an extent, I round on the aforementioned people who took 'onlooker' to be the full extent of their job description. called them all cnuts, before stomping off home in a sulk.

Anyway, I got the phone blocked and a much better one to replace it, but it's the damn principle of the thing. When I spoke to my mate later to explain about being cut off, he said he was confused, as all of a sudden there had been a rustling sound, I'd gone quiet before swearing a lot. The guy never hung up apparently, and eventually my mate got bored and signed off. But he approved of my insults, so I felt I'd held my end up.



Sorry, popped my cherry with that, but it was quite sweary. I can be tender, I'll be better next time, I promise...
(Jibber Jabba The Hutt, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 11:40, Reply)

Walking through the streets of Dublin
I heard a shout from behind me, as I turned around this chap said "come down this lane" and I replied, "eh, what? no!" to which he replied "there's 3 of my mates down here who are going to take that bag off your back" so I said "well, now I'm definitely not going fucking down there am I?"

Idiot.
(puppydogballs, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 11:04, Reply)

Serves me right i suppose
I once snatched my old girlfriends bag when she was walking alone in a park, just as a light joke.

She hit me before realising it was me, and assumably out of spite, proceeded to yell to passes by that she was being attacked. Some 'hero' ran over and twisted my arm behind my back while my girlfriend watched on smuggly.
(AUG, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 10:52, Reply)

.
I've been unsuccessfully mugged twice.

First time was back in Uni when I was on my way home. The jist was a guy pulled out a penknife, demanded my wallet then tried to stab me when I said I didn't have one (I didn't). I happened to turn just as he thrust the knife at me and he ended up stabbing a library book though my bag which caused the knife blade to twist shut cutting up his fingers in the process. The shit thing was I had to pay for damage to the library book, so technically it was the education system who mugged me.

Second time was great. I went to visit a friend at a high-rise council flat one night and rode the elevator up to his floor. Like all council flat elevators this one was full of piss with a fresh puddle in the corner. Halfway up the elevator stopped and a sick looking druggy type stepped in, swaying and with lots of wobbly leg action. He proceeded to mug me but I guess the stress was too much because he passed out and collapsed halfway through his threatening speech, landing with a thump in the fresh puddle of piss. I had a laugh, continued up to my friends place and called an ambulance. We didn't hear the sirens for about 45 minutes so he must have been riding up and down in that elevator piss puddle the whole time. Oh well...
(Brundy, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 10:44, Reply)

When I was at school
I was walking up from my school to get the bus to my boyfriends. A little brat of about 12 trotted up to me and walked alongside me silently. I looked at him,confused. He then said "why do you have that bag?" (referring to my big rubber spiky bag). I gave him that 'you are stupid' look,and told him,because I like it. He then said "can I have it?" To which I replied "hahaha. No."

Next,he saw my ring I was wearing,and said "Can I have that then?" Yet again,I told him to fuck off.

Then,he noticed my spiky silicon earrings,and asked if he could have them. I said "Look you horrid lilttle cunt,you arent having anything of mine!"

He then tried to grab my bag and run off. So I grabbed his hair and threw him in the road. Didnt get hit though,shame
(Miharu, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 9:13, Reply)

Tenerife
Around 2001, 2002 I went to Tenerife a few times with a group of college friends. I never had any incident there, accept the night the police beat us, but that is another story and a case of mistaken identity.

Anyway one night two of our group got seperated one night but the rest of us went back to the hotel and onto the balcony of two rather delightful blonde girls. The other two eventually found us. Turns out they had gone for one of us with a knife demanding his wallet. Thinking quickly he grabed some metal plate of the floor and swung for his knee leaving him pretty bloody and screaming. My other friend got a punch in the face. They didnt get any cash though. He dragged the metal plate all the way back to the hotel. It was on the coffee table all week and I rolled cigarettes on it.

On the same holiday we were out getting some food one night. As we were walking back Bill spotted something and said to our other friend "Hey that guy has your wallet". He checked his pocket to find it wasnt there. Just walked up and took it off him without any resistance. We think it was lifted on our way to the eatery.

Closest that I think Ive ever got to being mugged was in San Francisco, 5am, in one of the BART stations on Market Street. He started raving and screaming about the will of God.
(reesy22, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 8:55, Reply)

me 1 mugger 0
i made the mistake fo counting my rent money out on the bus all surreptitious-like, but obv. not enough so. as i got off, a little chav scumbag jumps me from behind pokes something into my back and demands my wallet.
i was pretty skint, so all things being equal i decided to propel the back of my head into his face at some speed. i then proceeded to kick him in the ass every time he tried to get up, and when i tired of this i took his little white nike cap and left him to his wretched and bloody snivelling.
i felt like a blow had been struck for what is right and proper. :)
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 6:11, Reply)

almost, by gyppo's
vaguely remember in faliraki what appeared to be a family of skanky gyppo's walking around most nights..

Was wobbling back one morning when one of the horrendous skanks put a hand in my pocket and tried to take out my phone/other contents! I grabbed um by the wrist shouted 'GET THE FUCK OFF NOW' a few times, which then led to some repeated foreign equivalent of "ok, ok, ok" so i let go and they promptly legged it

booze rules :D



(i have a big willy but rarely get to use it)
(karlg.dj maker of dance moosic, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 1:57, Reply)

another coldharbour lane experience
well, just off it actually. mugger demanded my cash and when i refused he looked a little lost and just sort of stood there thinking. after a minute of so, he asked for some money for chips instead of my wallet. I gave him a quid and he ran off.
not much of a mugging really.
( jocko doesn't want a signature, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 0:03, Reply)

Joker
Went to a New Years Eve party a few years back all dressed in fancy dress. One guy went as the Joker, complete with face paint, lipstick, jacket, etc and really looked the part. Great night out. He was also driving, and later in the evening he went to collect his car only to find the window smashed in.

Funny how a miserable Joker looks, phoning the Police, in tears with his make-up running.
(tootlepip, Tue 20 Jun 2006, 23:23, Reply)