relevant? Perhaps.
As a young lad I had the great privilege of going to a top Public School in Lunnen Town. Sadly this meant wandering the area in a noncy little suit whilst the kids from the local comps paraded in their cool gear. We were obvious targets, and by nature of going to a posh school everyone assumed we were rich. (I had a free scholarship, but that didn't stop the threats.)

One day I'm strolling down to Peckham Rye Lane in the afternoon. This huge buck dashes across the road and blocks my path, then says:
"You're the one that's been messing with my woman." Now bearing in mind I'm a skinny, speccy white kid of about thirteen and he's about ten years older than me and at least a foot taller, this strikes me as hilarious. Why would his 'woman' be messing with the skinny lil honky when she's got a Sammy Jackson lookilikee already? (I'm guessing he doesn't know about my winning personality and 8" tongue!) All I can think is that this is the worst excuse to start a fight I've ever heard, so laughing to myself, I turn around and walk away, saying he's got the wrong guy. It was (to me) so funny I didn't even think about him coming up behind me. He didn't! Gobsmacked.

About a week later I'm down Herne Hill with my buddy Seneca, who is a Tamil, and we get picked on by the local white supremacists from Kingsdale school. I got a boot in the gob for sticking up for me mate, and he got away on his toes like a good un.

So after that I decided enough was enough, and that it was time to 'fight back'. I took up drumming, beefed up a lot, but mostly adopted a rather 'street tuff' attitude. I still use this a lot, and despite working in some of Lunnen's crapper areas, I've never had any bother. In fact I now enjoy intimidating chavs and crackers at the Nightbus Stops in Brixton. It's all a matter of attitude.

That said, a mate of mine got mugged in North London recently for his wallet and stuff. It nearly destroyed him, so I'm not sure this is a very funny topic.

Oh yes it is, my stupid fat lodger got robbed in Brixton one night. Mind you, he's got victim written all over him, plus he's walking around Coldharbour lane at 3am dressed in a Dj after a works do.

If I'd been there I'd of mugged him meself!

Girth is my middle name.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 19:33, Reply)