Muggers make me have very illiberal thoughts
Twice previously people have attempted to mug me, but on this occasion they pulled it off. I was on my way home from work on a sunny evening in Plaistow, East London, gabbering on the phone to my mate. Without warning my phone it snatched from my ear by some be-tracksuited twunt who has done this on the run and is fast getting away. He runs off across the road (past any number of by-standers who just watch like slack-jawed spacktards) and I give chase.

After maybe 30 seconds of chasing, when it's clear that I'm not gaining, I gave up chasing to concentrate on cursing him to hell and damnation.

I recall telling him to run home to be bluntly sexual with his crack-whore mother and use the phone to call his dad in prison who was, as we spoke, being arse-raped to death. Clearly outgunned by my quick tongue, he had no reply and was gone.

So, sated, to an extent, I round on the aforementioned people who took 'onlooker' to be the full extent of their job description. called them all cnuts, before stomping off home in a sulk.

Anyway, I got the phone blocked and a much better one to replace it, but it's the damn principle of the thing. When I spoke to my mate later to explain about being cut off, he said he was confused, as all of a sudden there had been a rustling sound, I'd gone quiet before swearing a lot. The guy never hung up apparently, and eventually my mate got bored and signed off. But he approved of my insults, so I felt I'd held my end up.



Sorry, popped my cherry with that, but it was quite sweary. I can be tender, I'll be better next time, I promise...
(Jibber Jabba The Hutt, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 11:40, Reply)