My mum, the menopause and the PI
My mum is a wonderful women and i can recall countless tales of wonderful things she's done for me and my sisters when we were growing up. However there's a much more amusing story I'm going to recant here which stems from when she went through the menopause. For any younger B3tans whose mums haven't hit this magical milestone yet then allow me to offer some basic advice....fasten your seatbelts and get a helmet!

My mother flatly refused HRT as there are potential cancer risks with the treatment and as a result, at times, went a bit mad. Actually, a lot mad. One incident though stands out head and shoulders above the rest and involved my older sister and mothers day.

My sister had just had a couple of children and decided that for that years mothers day, she was going to spend it with her family and not our mother. This was fine with my mum as she understood that this is a normal progession with getting older, having your own kids etc.
Unfortunately though my mother got it into her head that my sister was lying to her and spending the day with her husbands mother and father (the in-laws).

When this claim was ridiculed by all, my mum claimed that a friend of hers had even seen my sister, her husband, their kids and the inlaws in a local restaurant having lunch on mothers day. My mother was furious. I was living abroad at the time and I started to get phonecalls from my mother who was very upset and angry. Mum claimed it wasn't that my sister had chosen to spend the days with the inlaws but the fact that she'd lied to her about it. I spoke to my sister who told me she'd no idea what i was on about, she hadn't spent the day or had lunch with the in-laws. Despite me telling mum this, the phonecalls kept coming day after day. After a week of this I said to mum offhandedly, 'Look mum, if you're so sure about this then hire a private detective and he'll be able to check through her credit cards to see if she was at this restaurant having lunch on the day in question'. Mum said don't be so silly and I assumed that was the end of it.
The next day I get a phonecall from my absolutely livid father.

"What the fuck did you say to your mother? Did you tell her to hire a private fucking investigator??"

"Ehhh yeah dad, but I didn't mean it, I just said it as an off commen..."

"400 fucking quid a day....FOUR HUNDRED....FUCKING.......POUNDS....A DAY THEY COST. What the fuck did you do?????"

I tried to undo the damage but my mum was in full hormonal lunacy now. The investigator was hired. A few days later I rang my mum and asked if the PI found anything. I'll never forget her response.

"He checked her credit card history and there was no restaurant payment on it...."

"So mum, I guess that's that then"

"....I betcha that sneaky bitch of a sister of yours paid in cash so I wouldn't be able to find proof"

Mums, Brilliant!
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 12:04, 4 replies)

Pfffft... awesome!
*Ker-lickety!*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Feb 2010, 12:15, closed)

HRT
worth more than gold.
Cancer is nothing compared to the damage a hormonal woman can do.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 12:51, closed)

I am soooooooooo getting HRT when I hit the menopause.
I remember the change in my mum when she started using the patches. It was like having a new and improved mum.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 14:06, closed)

*click*
First one that's had me lolling this week. Very well told.
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:50, closed)