"Nurse booted in flange by 8 year-old"
About 20 years ago I got this new bike. So here's me hurtling down a steep, gravelly hill outside my house with adrenaline-fuelled glee written all over my physiognomy, before, oooops, a corner. I slam on the front brakes, fly over the handlebars (still holding on of course) and land on my face. I think I skidded on my face for about 6 feet to the kerb before I stopped. No tears, no screaming but a freakin' shitload of bleeding. Until my mum arrived. Off I go to hospital, halfway there realising that I had ripped the inside of my lip out and looked like a landmine had exploded in my face, and getting suitable upset and throwing a monumental wobbler. The nurse takes me in, calms down mummy and the surgeon arrives. Things start to look ominous when mum holds my shoulders, and the doc starts picking bits of gravel out of my mouth and once she's finished that, starts on the suture. Well, I went fucking berserk as the horrible bint hadn't used an anaesthtic before stitching me up and to say she would have been a shite seamstress would be an undertatement. Berserk I go and in comes the other nurse to restrain my flailing, kicking legs, but not before I fucking HOOFED that nurse one, right in the fanny... My mum just stood there wishing she was dead with embarrassment. So it was my mum who was nearly dead, in a way, not me. And I'm sure that nurse was feeling pretty dead between her legs as well.

Apols for length, no apols for my greatness.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 10:42, Reply)