Stiffness and Pussy
I once lived next door to a middle-aged lady whose cat was old and arthritic (well what were you expecting the story to be about from the title, eh?)

When I first moved in, there was a pile of boxes on my side of the fence, staggered to create steps, and the same on her side, so the creaky little chap could clamber over the fence.

When we moved the boxes - she came round and asked us to put them back, politely, which we did. When the binmen took them away one day, she asked us to put them back. When we said we couldn't because they'd been taken away, she got angry.

It was at this point that I asked why it was so important the cat got into our garden, since it was our garden anyway.

'I don't want him going to the toilet in MY garden.'

It was at this point I told her to fuck off.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 16:56, 7 replies)

What an absolute
Cunt of a woman.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 17:04, closed)

...
tell her to get the new toilet seat cat trainer

I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw it in pets at home the other week

The long and short of the patented device is you end up with a cat that relives itself in a human lavatory ("meet the parents" style). It must be freaky and a entertaining conversation piece i imagine if you actually manage to train the cat to do it ?!

Im just glad i have got a dog whose faeces i pick up with a small black bag when i walk her. The bag keeps my hands warm in the winter and (added bonus) i keep fit whilst walking too... man's best friend you bet
(Cov Boy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 17:10, closed)

"The bag keeps my hands warm"
Ack...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 8:34, closed)

dog crap in a bag
is one of the worst things to have to hold... even if it is warm (with winters reaching-25 celcius where i live i still shurder at the thought of holding warm dog crap in a bag.
(mynameisnotdeacon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:27, closed)

collect any and all cat shits
and dump them in a pile on her lawn.
that'll teach her.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 19:22, closed)

Escalate.
Buy a large herbivore. Horse or elephant would do.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 1:45, closed)

^ brilliant
Post of the day so far.
(harrumph, Sun 4 Oct 2009, 8:13, closed)