I live in a close
The neighbourhood is alright, apart from a family that live opposite me. They rent the house, and are chav scum. I know they are chav scum, because they meet a whole variety of requirements to be deemed chav scum.

Please find the attached list:

1. Mum not out of cheap pink dressing gown before 2pm.
2. Family has stupidly named, dirty, badly behaved, snot nosed offspring, who are allowed to come and go as they please, coming in only to grab a chocolate bar or bag of crisps whenever they want, and freely throw the packaging onto the ground.
3. The father is a badly tattooed, loud mouthed fuckwit.
4. The father usually seen topless, drinking from a can of Fosters in his front garden for no reason at 10am on Saturdays.
5. They have a cooker in thier front garden. I always thought this was an urban myth.
6. The front door is always fucking open, allowing stupidly named, dirty, badly behaved, snot nosed offspring free access.
7. They have 2 fucking great Rottweilers, and the chav scum owners, despite the door being open, seem to act with surprise and anger every time one of the dogs ventures outside. This is greeted with a "GEDDIN DA FUCKIN AHHHHHHHS!" from Mummy Chav.
8. They also have a parrot. It squarks all the time. It's squarks are greeted with "SHUDDUP FUCKSAKE!" from Mummy Chav. Don't have a parrot then you stupid cunt.
9. They drive an old 4x4 at too high a speed in the close. I bet if one of thier stupidly named, dirty, badly behaved, snot nosed offspring was hit by a car in the close they would go mental.
10. 'Princess on board!' sticker on the back window of the car.
11. R'n'B or hiphop music up full fucking whack in the car as they approach the close.
12. The space in front of thier house is 100% thiers, so you can fuck right off if you are thinking about parking in it, right?
13. Mummy chav has her hair scraped back all the time, and walks around the close with a scowel on, a fag on, and a tit on each elbow.
14. Mummy chav's increasingly irate call of "CONNNA!" when the stupidest of the stupidly named, dirty, badly behaved, snot nosed offspring, who is all of 6 goes missing, is the sound that makes me want to stab her in the face more than anything.

Bunch of fucking cunts.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:25, 8 replies)

They FREELY THROW THE PACKAGING ON THE GROUND?
The bastards. The utter cunts. Oh, the humanity!

Joking aside, they do sound quite insufferable. You have my sympathies, and I'm only sorry I can't offer to set them on fire.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:33, closed)

you call them chavs yet you spell 'thier' like so
*flounces*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 12:31, closed)

i dont think 'Connor' is a stupid name
I would have though you meant something like Beckham or Chardonay or something like that.

by 'Connnna' you did mean Connor right?
(BarryChuckle, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 13:41, closed)

I did, yes.
.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:53, closed)

My word
You have described my mother (whom I am no longer in contact with) perfectly, evil chav that she is. Especially as she has an African grey parrot. One of the most intelligent birds in the world and she shouts at it to "shut the fuck up".

So so sad. People should have to pass an IQ test to own such lovely creatures.

EDIT: Connor is SUCH a pikeytastic name it is untrue.
(Turn that bloody gramaphone down has incorrect spelling in her username *WINS*, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 13:53, closed)

Number 13 on your list
I have heard described as a 'council facelift'.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:04, closed)

Amazing
This about sums up chavs. Click

Chavviest thing I ever saw though was at an expensive wedding (my parents ran a function busines at one point.) The bride in a big white sleeveless dress showing off her tattoos including I kid you not a heart with a arrow through it, swigging from two bottles of Bacardi Breezers alternately as she yelled at the crying baby in her arms and told her new husband he was a fucking cunt.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:13, closed)

Clicks for
"tit on each elbow"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:33, closed)