Last year, the woman living opposite
happened to be rubbish at driving. She couldn't get her car out of her drive if there was a car parked in front of my house. We, on the other hand, had no problem getting out of our drive if there was a car outside of her house. So, she'd occasionally knock and tell us to move the car. Tell us to move it, not ask. She'd say we had to move it because she was a nurse, or that her son was ill (he had epilepsy).

Now, I'm always happy to argue back. If she'd have asked me to move the car I'd have had difficulty saying no, because I'm nice like that. However, because she started with "You HAVE to move your car. I'm a nurse! My son is ill! Move you car!" I'd ask her questions like why she parked in front of her house yesterday (when she knows it's hard to get out of the drive with a car parked opposite), or I'd suggest that if she reversed in then she'd have an easier time getting out. She'd usually get really annoyed and stomp off, then I'd go move the car.

Once when I'd gone away for the weekend I'd left my car parked in front of my house. She'd come over and ranted at my housemate because he wouldn't move the car. She told him he was stupid for not having keys, then called him a liar. He tried to point out that he didn't have the keys because it wasn't his car and he couldn't drive, but she was having none of it.

The final time we had an altercation was when I'd been arguing with her for a few minutes when my housemate decided to wade in and take over. The neighbour stomped off after a minute or two and my housemate yelled "UP YOUR ARSE!" at her as loud as she could. After that she was lovely! If she needed our car moving she'd come over and ask politely.
( CowJam, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 22:34, 2 replies)

Reminds me about my brother's 'opposite' neighbour, who reversed down her own drive and shot across the road into the side of my car. Having been standing beside it a moment before, I was a little shocked.

However, as this happened at a time of bereavement for my family we somehow couldn't muster any indignation about an old banger's dented doors.

The woman was full of apologies and offers to pay for the damage. My brother just walked off silently to his garage, came back with a clawhammer, prised the doors open so I could get in and drive home and waved her away.

She probably thought we were hardened criminals up to some shady finanigans and didn't want the police involved.
Naah - we just couldn't care less.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 4 Oct 2009, 8:16, closed)

Also similar
when I was a kid we had a neighbour who couldn't drive, despite having passed her test. She didn't know left from right, what all the pedals were for or anything. So inevitably, one day she was inching her tiny car through her really quite far apart gate pillars (this is not a euphemism for anything), was making a mess of it and floored the accellerator rather than stabbing the brakes.

A fantastic result. One gatepost demolished, a flower bed ploughed up and the car prevented from going through a wall of her house by a rockery. Spectacular and deeply satisfying. My brother and I laughed until my Mum told us to stop. We went outside and laughed a lot more.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Sun 4 Oct 2009, 15:11, closed)