Mr Whippy
When I moved up North in 1998 I shared a house in Wakefield with four other lads. I think technically it was semi-detached - we shared the overall building with a family of four next door, but our garage and a ground floor room abutted that of the next house along, owned by a sixty-something busybody who'd probably spent his entire adult life working in local government or as an actuary for a life insurance company. Now, while we never heard a peep out of the family (with children) that we shared an internal wall with, any activity greater in scale than tiptoeing about in socks was apparently transmitted through our garage and our neighbour's with such force that his whole house shook, upsetting his elderly mother. If we reversed cars up the drive (so that the driver could actually get out, instead of being trapped in by a large hedge), the reverberations of exhaust on the garage door apparently shook his whole house, upsetting his elderly mother. If somebody ever (completely legally) parked a car so that any part of it crossed the invisible boundary on the street between our house and his he'd complain that "the ambulance" wouldn't be able to park there (I only saw one ambulance on our street in eighteen months, and that's because I called it when my mate had a fit and fell down the stairs).

The majority response to all his complaints was just to humour him (with a sotto voce "stupid old cunt"), although my Australian housemate did decide to do a great big steaming shit on his doorstep one night before flying home.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 11:46, 1 reply)

He should
have shat then stuck it on the knocker on the door cos no-one ever looks before knocking.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 14:26, closed)