You're proving my point for me, but at least we agree.
At least we agree that the child should come first. I can't agree that it would have been wise for the OP to keep fighting. Let me explain.

You repeatedly cite your own situation, which is fair enough. It involves a single mother that couldn't reasonably be seen as the best option. Your mistake would be in assuming that the OP had the same situation - we don't know what the mother was like, aside from having poisoned the child against the father. We have an example of her being negligent in terms of the athsma, but that isn't enough to assume an altogether unfit parent - she may have been an otherwise caring, excellent parent. If this was the case then it wouldn't be in the child's interests to begin a battle over their care, especially if the outcome is most likely going to be unsuccessful - all that conflict with no positive result is actually likely to damage any potential relationship between child and alienated parent. Reality is a bitch.

Quoting the OP's words doesn't really help. If you read it again it is clear that the OP was going through a difficult time, as expected. Giving up on something after a nightmarish, fruitless endeavour is hardly a crime, though I can certainly agree that involving a decent lawyer would have been wise. We don't actually know what the final straw was - it may be entirely justifiable for the father to have stopped for the time being. The mistake was not picking up on it again shortly afterward.

Also, don't assume that the child will ever know that the parent was trying to get contact if that parent fails in doing so. The parent in custody of the child is not inclined to pass that kind of information on, especially if that parent is already trying to manipulate the child (as in the OP).

You seem to have taken an emotion response to the particular words "I just gave up contact", which is understandable. But that doesn't justify you judging the OP - you don't know him, or the specifics of the surrounding circumstances.

Do I have children of my own? It doesn't matter. What does matter is my hands on experience having dealt with over a dozen similar cases in the past two years alone - I know how reality works and what to expect from parents. Don't expect to have a more valid opinion just because you're a parent yourself.

Well done on your husband, though. He should be proud - the world needs more parents like him (and you). But that doesn't give you reason to attempt making the OP feel ashamed.
(thecurriedavenger, Sun 2 May 2010, 2:09, Reply)