The first single my brother ever bought...
...was Keith Harris and Orvil. We used to like them, many moons ago. Then I did a gig with him at Swansea University's summer ball and it ruined it.

He turned up in his merc with a personalised number plate (ORV 1L, in case you want to run him off the road at some point) and was a nightmare. Here he is, being filmed for a C4 documentary ("the rise and fall of celebrity - the fall"), getting paid loads while I'm just getting a free ticket, and what's the first thing he asks? Cup of tea. Right. So I go off and *buy* him a cup of tea. The tight bugger.

That duck's eyes stare right through you when he's not got his hands up it. The monkey's OK though.

I introduce him, he comes on, I toddle off to watch him near the stage. As I'm standing there some cute, but very short, girl stands next to me. "Is that Keith Harris?" she says.

I was having a bad night.

"Yes, course it it. Fuck's sake..."

I turn around. It's the one out of Hear'Say who isn't Mylene or the blonde one. Looking somewhat offended.

Dave Gorman: nicest man in comedy. Ross Noble: close second. Norman Lovett: great bloke. Lucy Porter: will always be in love with her. Likewise Nina Conti. Barrat and Fielding (the Boosh)? Thoroughly nice people.

Yeah, bragging like a bad bitch.
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Fri 26 May 2006, 16:34, Reply)