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This is a question Never Meet Your Heroes

They're bound to disappoint - like the time we booked Wayne Hussey for the B3ta Radio Show. Five minutes before we're due to record, Wayne
phones, lost on the M25 with his Brazilian wife screaming in the background. Not so much the King of Goth, as a hen-pecked flake.

(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:17)
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This question is now closed.

As regular board readers will know
I once worked in KFC in Sheffield. I was disappointed to notice Steve Bruce came in and bought deep fried chicken from me. I would have thought a football manager like him would have been healthier.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 10:18, Reply)
Not all black men can dance...
In about 1998, I met Chris Waddle and Carlton Palmer in The Republic in Sheffield, when they bothe played for Sheff Weds. We thought Chris Waddle would be fun, being a Geordie, but he soon tired of people walking past, kicking imaginary footballs and gazing into the sky.

Also Carlton Palmer, despite trying to impress with his cool funky moves actually dances like a spastic, but quicker and with less co-ordination.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 10:15, Reply)
Doncaster Prison
I met Princess Anne and Zammo on the same day when I visited my mate in Doncaster prison. Mega!

Unfortunately as we were meeting Zammo we ironically got pulled out of the queue by warders and searched as sniffer drugs picked up the odour from us. Evidently the night befores excess came through our pores the next day.

I did manage to say, deadpan, "We just say no" to Zammo as we got dragged away.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 10:07, Reply)
Daveh!
I saw that on a Devvo vid on Fat-Pie... Nice one!
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 9:06, Reply)
Gary Sinise
When I was at Disneyland, Lt. Dan cut me in line. Not once but twice.
The first time was at a restaurant and the second was in line for the Alice in Wonderland ride.
I wasn't too chuffed at the restaurant, but when he cut us in the hour long line for a 3 minute ride, I felt like pointing him out just to cause him some undesired attention.

Instead, I will just be smug.
Forever.

Edit: That's all for this this year, see you all in 360 odd days or so...
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 8:41, Reply)
My teenage daughter worked in a cafe
and was rushing into work late as usual when a young bloke was walking out of the same door.

He politely held it for her and smiled, and she gasped out 'Cheers Mate!' as she charged past, out of breath and ready for a timekeeping-related bollocking.

However, the boss was sitting with another old bloke and they waved absently to her and carried on talking.

Turns out that the boss's mate had just been dropped off by his son, Robbie Williams, whom Daughter might have recognised and indeed met, married and made a poper bloke of if she'd been on time for once.

He missed out there!
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 8:12, Reply)
Bon, Simon Lebon
I grew up in the eighties. My favorite band was Duran Duran and I idolized Simon Lebon. I liked the synth pop music, the cryptic lyrics, and their well groomed style.

I don't believe I had picked up a comb or purchased my own clothes until after seeing "Is there Something I should Know?" on MTV.

About 10 years later they were doing a record signing in my town, so me and my wife waited in line for two hours to meet what was left of the band at the time.

By the time we got up to the front of the line they had stopped signing their new album and were rushing everyone through so they could leave.

So we get to them and as I am shaking Simon's hand I awkwardly blurt out something along the lines of, "You were a really big role model to me growing up..blah blah"

He didn't say a word. He just released my hand and gave me the strangest horrified look.

To this day I can't figure out if the reaction on his face meant that he thought I was a giant loser, or if I was trying to get in his leather pants (I wasn't), or if he was just an ass.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 2:55, Reply)
The Queen
But then shes no ones hero
so apologies for wasting your time like she wasted mine
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 2:48, Reply)
Roddy/Rodney Dio (?)
According to Popbitch, this guy invented the 'devil horns' rock and roll hand sign. I met him (working security again) and I was literally a foot and a half taller than him, and he looked like a be-wigged, crystal meth addicted skeleton. Not quite sure what he was wearing, but 'binbag' is the closest thing to it I can comfortably comprehend. But to be fair, after inventing that stupid devil horns thing, nothing less than the appearance and personality of an 8 foot viking could have redeemed him in my eyes.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 1:06, Reply)
Pendulum
We interviewed one of the members of Pendulum after a set at Sheffield Uni a few months back. We'd been told we probably wouldn't get to meet him, so we got intoxicated in a way that is complementary to D&B events. We were then told that actually, we could talk to him. While hammered. He seemed nice enough, but pretty drained and unenthusiastic. We were on a total buzz, so got on a lot better with MC Verse, who was also buzzing, fed us beer, and gave us lots of swears to put in our interview.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 0:54, Reply)
Not much of a story, really...
but I met Bill Oddie on some stairs at a gig his daughter was doing. Commented on the busy-ness of the place we were in or something.

Seemed nice enough, but seemed rather put-upon as he was carrying a rather heavy-looking amp, which only served to accentuate his tinyness. Come to think of it, I was at his eye-level when I was three stairs below him...
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 0:50, Reply)
Dj Format
Nice chap, awesome DJ, but when The Fallen shouted "sign our chests or I'll break your face," he simply replied "no you won't," and went on to talk to some female fans rather than signing our man-chests. Shameful.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 0:48, Reply)
Pete Dochurty
Not a hero but respect for being such a waster and getting away with it. Had to usher him and his band into (read: push dickheads away from) their dressing room after a gig while working my first shift as a security operative. Was quite funny, because he was completely fucked. We got to throw him out of his own gig during a fire alarm, when he went nuts and ripped a siren off the rigging. Also had to shove him into the dressing room as his attempts left him bumping into the wall by the door.

Bit of a letdown in that there was no evidence of illegal goings on (although we were specifically told not to enter the green room,) and we had to stay behind and guard his tour bus for 2 hours after the gig because someone had put a stone through its window the night before. He didn't say anything, to anyone, at all, for the entire night as far as i could tell.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 0:44, Reply)
Devvo
Met Devvo (and David Firth) at Leeds Festival 2005. Absolute legends, but
1) it confirmed my fears that Devvo wasn't real,
2) instead of an autograph I got "gay bilend ur a nob" scrawled on my arm (admittedly ten times better,) and
3) Devvo wouldn't hook up with my friend, which would have been epic.
(, Tue 30 May 2006, 0:34, Reply)
Douglas Adams vs.politicians
I went to see Douglas Adams talk at the hay festival of literature years back, he was a very clever, very humane kind of fellow. Also very tall - I'm over 6' myself - well worth listening to as well, the talk was mainly about his conservation interests and i was completely fascinated. It's a great shame he died :( He was late for the show and just apologised, hypothesising that london was basically one of those move -the-squares puzzles with the one missing square, and his taxi filled the one gap and log-jammed it all solid. Fair enough- my parents went to a talk by jeffery Archer around the same time, he was equally late and blamed his driver, calling him many bad things. There's the difference. If Archer had died instead, all would be well.

Margaret beckett, hardly one of my heroes, seemed very short when I met her in the house of commons ... Height has no bearing on rank, it seems.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 23:51, Reply)
in the poetry cafe
London's fashionable Poetry Cafe.

Woman who had recently read a poem about bollards walks in with swish-looking manfriends.

'HEY! I THINK IT'S VERY GOOD THAT YOU MANAGED TO WRITE A POEM ABOUT SUICIDE THAT HAD BOLLARDS IN!' say I.

A man friend interjects.

'YEAH, BOLLARD IS A GREAT WORD, ISN'T IT!' says he.

'YEAH, IT'S KIND OF LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN BOLLOCKS AND MALLARD!' say I.

The man walks off.

I was later to find out that I had just screamed about bollocks and mallards to none other than Daniel 'If You're Not The One' Bedingfield.

Top bloke, actually, now I come to mention it.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 23:42, Reply)
Gah
I saw Robbie from eastenders a few years back.

Not a hero, but yes, he **IS** that ugly and he is a twat.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 22:20, Reply)
I'll have you, you little bastard ..
I was in a pub in Brum when in walked Bobby Ball. I made a spectacle of myself somewhat. I was drunk, he was short and I kept shouting 'I'll have him Tommy' inches from his nose. The result was him cacking himself and me being ejected by a sniggering bouncer. Thanks Lonny (bouncer) the steps cause a certain smarting somewhat as I bounced off them...
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 21:58, Reply)
One more.
Princess Di came to my home town once. All the old ladies pushed me to the front as Di walked down the street shaking peoples hands, one by one.

The bitch skipped me, but I'm not bitter.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 21:33, Reply)
Oooh! Another!
I met Charlie Dimmock!

One wet winter weekend, we (the partner and myself) were visiting our local town to buy all manner of foodstuffs when it started to rain. We realised we hadn't brought an umbrella with us, so we dashed into Stead and Simpsons to get one.

"There!" I said to the other half, pointing to the counter where the umbrellas were situated "over there!"

Alas, poor Dimmock was also situated at said counter, and feared that we were rabid fans hunting her. An awkward moment ensued were she, looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights, and we, well, we bought our umbrella and left.

She semed nice. Earthy, but nice.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 21:31, Reply)
ivor cutler, the poet
came to my primary school to read some of his poems.

He also told us that he hated kids. But he was quite nice really.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 20:43, Reply)
jamie oliver
You just want to mock him, don't you - with his silly accent, fat tongue and rubber lips, not to mention the sainsburys ads.

I was quite disappointed, because he's really helped a friend of mine get on her feet, by training her up and giving her a job at his new restaurant in Cornwall.


bugger
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 20:42, Reply)
Hmmm, met a few, most of them pretty nice...
Princess di - opened a local swimming pool and I was one of the reps for the school at the time, got to say hi

Dave Prowse - as a teeny weenie primary kid he came to our school in his green cross code outfit and gave us all the 'road safety' lecture he'd done on the tour of every known primary school known to man... When it came around to the 'any questions' bit, first one to go up was 'whens the next star wars film out'? - his expression was priceless, the crestfallen features of a man in decline, realising his hopes of saving a few kiddies lives as they crossed the road dashed by the fact that he was in fact the dark lord of the sith, and we all knew it

Bob Monkhouse - met him in Manchester briefly. A god, AND a legend, and a true inspiration to me, nicest bloke you could ever meet

During the course of my first employment at an architectural company also got to speak to John Cleese and Alan Davies...

Davies is a bit of a totally self obsessed nut that thinks he's the funniest man on the planet, and wanted a conservatory built to put his precious Arsenal memorabilia in... Enough said

Weirdest encounter with a celeb was also during the same job, called down to meet Terry Pratchett at his home in salisbury, just prior to the release of 'the fifth elephant'... The final draft of which was sitting in huge piles all over his kitchen.
Lovely chap, but VERY shrewd and wouldn't budge an inch... he knew best... Mind you, his wife couldn't make tea for toffee, a complete nervous wreck... and the house had the same feel as student digs... and the same looks too... even the vacuum cleaner had cobwebs on.

finally, just last year, walked past David Icke on a holiday here in North Norfolk, went to say 'hello' and he brushed past me with such a look he must have thought I was one of those reptilian people that rule the world.... He'll regret not saying Hi when we put our master plan for world domination into action, it'll be like 'V-the mini series all over again'
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 20:36, Reply)
I met Jeremy Bulloch (Boba Fett) at a signing once
But 'twas I who made a cock of myself, what with my nervous stammering and terribly shitty train-made sketches of his helmet in my sketchbook (which I hoped he wouldn't see).
He took one look at it, smiled and drew an amazingly accurate doodle of the helmet above his signature. Top bloke!

Blimey, not many people who were disappointed...
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 19:53, Reply)
Just this week
I bumped into Sir Geoffrey Howe, or rather his wife bumped into us, repeatedly, and on purpose.

On our way back from Catania who should be sat behind us in the departure lounge but Geoffers himself. He was with friends, who were moaning about the fact that they shouldn't have to be sat with us proles (quite loudly too) as they had paid more for first class.

Or at least they were moaning until Sir Geoff pointed out that on this occasion they hadn't paid any extra. "But that's not the point," his friend opined "We COULD have paid more..."

And the bumping into? His wife (that of Sir Geoff's, Elspeth) kept kicking the back of our seat. I think she wanted us to move away so that she didn't becoming infected by the middle class or something. We sat where we were and gave nasty glances every now and then, but I don't think she got the picture. They probably thought we were Thatcherites who were still bitter about the Iron Lady's downfall.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 19:39, Reply)
Emmerdale Fame
Nights out in Leeds it is an occupational hazard that at some point you are going to run into some Emmerdale cast member. Mainly they are shiny of face and big of hair. One exception to this is the dude who plays Zak Dingle. I sang a couple of numbers at a jazz night and was approached afterwards by a fat sweaty grey haired guy clearly well in his cups. 'awrrrhhh that was great' he slurred, talking slightly too close to my face. 'Erm cheers' I say, looking for a way to extricate myself 'I'm just off to the loo'

When I got back my friends told me that it was the Zakster himself. The people at emmerdale had given him a sabbatical from work at the time due to feeling 'tired and emotional' a bit too often and thus did not have his hair dyed the usual black.

The same evening I saw a tall rangy and rather towny looking young feller at the bar. He gave me a look as if to say 'Yeah you know who I am don't you'. I didn't. My friends told me it was Cain Dingle.

Edit: Oh yeh and I once saw Beppe from Eastenders in Leeds. He was never a hero but I was nevertheless dissapointed when he barged past me on the pavement like Richard flamin Ashcroft in the Bittersweet Symphony video. The joke was on him though as although my arm smarted for only a couple of minutes where he smacked into me, he will be a stunted little bumfluff face for the rest of his natural life.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 19:25, Reply)
^^
i met princess diana once i said hi she never answered back , she was in a wreck.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 19:09, Reply)
soooo famous
You probably have to be Australian for most of these...

I met Chocolate Starfish in a pool on Hamilton Island. Very tame boys that day.

My wife spilled a drink on Doc Neeson, lead singer of the Angels and the lead singer of the Celibate Rifles tried unsuccessfully to pick her up.

I met Gerry Connolly (the impersonator) in a bar on an island off the Queensland coast. He couldn't have cared less.

I got stoned with the guys from Painters and Dockers, they are good guys.

My wife went to school with Peter Andre, he was a weed with no friends and not many people liked him because he was a wanker.

My great uncle was Boris Karloff.

But, the biggest dissappointment was the woman who played Molly in A Country Practice in the 80's. My wife met her and she was extremely rude and dismissive of my wife who idolised her.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 18:16, Reply)
I met
Jarvis Cocker in a blue-john mine in Derbyshire when I was on a camping trip aged 13.

He just walked past (300ft below ground?) with his wife. I said "Hi" after my Dad pointed out who he was, and he blanked everyone.

Pff, the bumhead.
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 17:25, Reply)
Someone I didn't actually know...
I work in a photo lab, and apparently one day we had one of the ladies from footballers wives in with her pictures (amy something I think)

Only think being Me and the other person in the lab had no idea who she was, until someone told us afterwards...

David
(, Mon 29 May 2006, 16:56, Reply)

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