Celebrities from small to big
There's a girl back in my hometown that everyone seems to know. Drop her name (Kate) to nearly anyone, and you'll get the response "Oh yeah, I have a friend who dated her." And it's a city of 1 000 000. I had three personal close friends date her that I know of.

She is from a Mormon family and her dad is a different kind of local celebrity. He does the far-right-wing pundit speech on the evening news every day. I'm told he mentions his daughter in code a lot, "My neighbour's daughter" or "The daughter of a friend of mine..." She herself rebelled from him and became Wiccan (as well as the city bike).

Anyway, her 18th birthday was approaching and my friend was worried because he'd start seeing her in bars soon. So I decided it was up to me to play a prank.

I registered a new e-mail account based around her father's name, but not exactly the same name (Brian instead of Bob but usually only uses the initial). Then I found some lists of celebrity e-mail addresses and sent the word out to every ironic celebrity I could find, asking them to wish my daughter Kate a happy birthday. I must have sent out over 50 e-mails, but the only one--the ONLY ONE--who responded was American conservative pill-popper pundit Rush Limbaugh. He actually responded only minutes after I sent it.

His response to me was that he'd be delighted to send an e-mail, anything for a young fan (I think I said she was turning 12). He even CCed me his letter to her.

A couple years later I spoke to Kate. She had a feeling I was behind the Rush letter because pretending to be people I'm not is a signature prank of mine. But there was one complication: she thought that Rush Limbaugh was the fake, and she apparently sent him an e-mail back saying "Who the fuck are you? I know for a fact that my dad has no respect for you, you fat fuck!" And he responded "Well if I had known you were such a bitch, I wouldn't have written you this letter!" I wish to fuck I had a copy of those e-mails.

Maybe I'm the reason he started taking those pills. I feel no guilt.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Mon 29 May 2006, 4:41, Reply)