David Bellamy
Thinks I control birds minds by radio signals.
I work for a company that makes silent alarm networks for caravan parks, and it's my job to ring up these parks and see if everything is working fine.
So earlier this year I made my usual call to a park in Wales, the salesman on the other end said everything was fine but they had David Bellamy down there kicking up a fuss because of me. "THE David Bellamy? What watches birds and that? What have I done to him?" I asked "Hold on, I'll put him on" said the salesman. So he did.

"Hello, David Bellamy here. Yes I want you to come here and meet me so we can discuss the distress your alarms are causing the birds in Wales."

"But they're silent alarms."

"Yes I know that, it's the radio frequency y'see? It's affecting their heads and distressing them. I want you to meet me when I'm here again on monday next week."

So slightly starstruck, I agreed and arranged a time and date to meet him. I came back down to earth though when I told the story to my boss and he reminded me that I am a lowly office worker and that what I just told him made no sense. So I took the advice of this week's QOTW and never met him.
I can imagine old Bellers now, sitting in a caravan in a muddy field somewhere in Wales waiting for me, not knowing I would never arrive. Wearing a tin-foil hat to protect him from the deadly radio waves from the alarms and conversing with the sparrows and seagulls. But not the blackbirds, he's a bit like that you know.
(Bellamy's Enemy, Tue 30 May 2006, 14:40, Reply)