Well...
I am a man of many, many bad habits.

I drink, I smoke, I yell at inanimate objects when they fail to please me, and I swear like a squaddie who has just trapped his balls in a desk drawer. My friends have variously described me as "a music Nazi", "a film snob" and an "angry, angry man", while my mother has accused me of ruining every Christmas since 1997. As well as possessing a sense of humour that would shame a b3tan, I am a Guardian-reading, vegetarian, bleeding-heart liberal and all that entails.

After a number of years I have somehow conned my way into a supervisory role at work, where my management style could best be described as shouting at people and waving my arms, and where I have attempted to instigate a policy of making team members wear tiny paper hats with childish insults written on them if they make mistakes. (Regrettably they still refuse to sing the loyalty song I wrote, or to salute the badly drawn picture of myself I pin to the wall when I am out of the office).

In the past I have mistakenly given my 83 year old grandmother drugs, directed the son of the vicar for the area's largest church to both goatse and 2girls1cup, and have very nearly superglued my glasses to my face. When stopped in the street by people trying to collect money for worthy causes, in order to avoid contributing I have been known to claim that I am unfortunately an "enormous bastard" who hates whatever they are collecting for, one time even going to far as claim my Grandfather was killed by a whale to justify my alleged hatred for them.

...In spite of all this though, and no doubt despite the protests of his wife with whom I have never seen eye-to-eye, two years ago today I received a phone call from my best friend informing me of the birth of his first son, and asking me to be his Godfather.

Thanks Ed.

And Happy Birthday George.
(Frank., Thu 2 Oct 2008, 19:41, 3 replies)

GOTCHA!
You are Charlie Brooker and I claim my £5.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 19:57, closed)

Haha!
I actually laughed out loud at this one! Well done! ("Sorry, I'm afraid I'm an enormous bastard!" Haha.)
(idle insomniac enjoys listening to Sigur Rós at stupid hours, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 4:03, closed)

*Click8
This made me laugh.. I bet you're a lovely bloke underneath it all!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 13:50, closed)