ironic
but the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me was dumping me.

My ex dumped me about 18 months ago, and frankly, to this day i think it was the single greatest thing he'd ever done.

Cut a long story short, it was a whirlwind passionate beginning, full of "i'm so lucky i've met you" and vows of "i love you" and promises of "i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you". The family loved me, the friends loved me.. everyone commented to him that it was great that he'd found a keeper.

And i was.

I did everything for the guy. He got sex (and blowjobs) whenever he wanted. He got a nice homecooked meal every night after a hard day at work, he got his washing done, he got pampered. Spoiled. I let him do whatever he wanted (apart from visit his ex-fuckbuddy late at night without me there, and flirt constantly with another ex). For his birthday i took him up in a hot air balloon as a surprise, followed by a fancypants breakfast. From the outside it looked like the perfect relationship.

Little did people know that for the most part (as far as i'm aware anyway) he was playing mind games with me and the 2 other girls (that i know of, could have been more) and trying very hard to completely break me, all for the sake of a bit of an ego stroke (and possibly cock stroke.. who knows). He alienated my family, my friends (the ones i'd introduced him to anyway) he pumped the booze into me, made me depend on him greatly financially, and then he started trying to tear me down. He saw how hard I fell for him. I told him I didn't care what i lost as long as i had him. He had me believing that i was nothing without him, that i was so lucky to have him, and that my happiness resided in him. Sometimes the truth would come out "i don't deserve you - you deserve so much better than someone like me". I took it as him just trying to build me up, understandable with my floundering self esteem, and maybe he was, but i should have listened. No one would put themselves down that much to try and build someone else up for no reason.

One would think the constant crying on my part, plus seeing what was once a witty, intelligent, happy bubbly person turn into a sad, bitter, jealous and miserable person would get to him, but apparently not.. all it did was feed him. He used everything i ever did against him, taking innocent things that I did for him and twisted them into seemingly manipulative and controlling motives to make him miserable. Why i'd want to do that is anyone's guess.. to this day i can say with 100% honesty that i did it all to try and make him happy.

One day he must have realised that no matter how weak he thought i was, that i wasn't weak enough for him. I quit my job with no prospect of another in the immediate future, and from that he must have thought he had me.. if i had to completely depend on him financially, it'd be easier for him to do whatever he wanted (visiting the ex-fuckbuddy late at night, and flirting with the other ex) without a peep from me. What he mustn't have counted on was that in less than a week i had scored a better job with higher pay. I had gone from getting less pay than him to more pay.

In the end he had to make up shit to tell his friends and his family, until they were all convinced that i was a "psycho" and that he was better off without me. That made it better for him emotionally to cut me off. Denial must be a wonderful place.

He might have turned my family and my friends against me, but there were some things that he was never going to take away from me, no matter how hard he tried. He was never going to get complete control over me. That must have been the day he dumped me, rendering me essentially homeless, while he fooled around with a work colleague who was in the process of separating from her "abusive" husband.

Had i not later told him that he was the scum of the Earth, and that he was absolutely shit in bed (95% truth), and to fuck off and that i never wanted to see him again, i would have liked the opportunity to thank him for dumping me and letting me get my life back together after he helped break it into shards. Not only is it much better than it was before i met him, but the whole process was a big big life lesson that i vow and declare i'll never live through again, no matter how much i think i love someone.
(brotagaia, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:22, 5 replies)

I'm sorry...
I know that it was difficult to write that but I think you did the right thing. Hugs and clicks.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:44, closed)

Me too.
Very brave of you!

The first time you fall is that hardest.
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:30, closed)

My Wife
was in a similar situation with her ex. They spent over 10 years together - he was in his 30s when they met, she was barely 17.

During that time he stript her of any self-confidence that she may once of had. He convinced her she was ugly and that no-one else would want her, he made her take out loans to pay his debts (some of which we're still paying off now) and eroded her self-esteem. Despite having a son with her he simultaneously had a baby with another woman.

When I met her she was a shadow of the bubbly, confident person she used to be. I've spent the last 3 years trying to rebuild her confidence and her self-esteem, telling her she's beautiful and that she makes me happy. And, just occasionally, I get a brief glimpse of the woman she must have been before she met him, and my hatred for the man grows stronger.

Be strong, but don't make the same mistake again. May you find happiness with a man who respects you and cares for you and makes you feel special. We do exist!
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:14, closed)

thanks
I won't say all men are assholes, because clearly they aren't.. but when you hear things like this you can't help but feel a bit bitter. People are assholes. Those ones that prey on the weak, to trample them down in order to make themselves feel better - no one realises how poisonous they are until you've been stung.

I feel for your wife.. and i applaud you for being so patient with her.. it is hard living with people, especially people we love, when they don't realise how great they are. How you know they could do anything they set their mind to if only they believed in themselves.. it's hard watching the struggle. I'm sure with your continued support she will get to be that confident person she was before she was broken.. she just needs to realise it for herself - the biggest step of all.
(brotagaia, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:22, closed)

Hmmm
To be fair, most males do have assholes.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 21:57, closed)