'Twas Rock Night
Not only that, it was a Halloween fancy dress party. Ouch.

I like a bit of heavy every now and then and wanted to go. I realised that my attire, white T shirt, jeans and leather jacket was not entirely suitable. So I had a blinding idea (if you'll pardon the pun)

I have been blessed in life by only having one eye.

I walked up to the bar and boldly asked for a bottle of tomato juice, with some blackcurrant cordial in. I went to the toilets, took out the plastic appliance that disguises my monocularity , wrapped it in tissue and then (after shaking it liberally to mix in the cordial) poured tomato juice into my empty socket and dropped my head down so it ran down my face and splashed the front of the T shirt.
Hmmm, not nearly gory enough, so I repeated the trick a couple of times before just splashing the rest over the shirt.

I went back into the bar and began spending a rather enjoyable evening trying to chat gurls up whilst not wearing my eye. I felt almost naked. I failed completely.
I then had a rather strange conversation with some bloke.

“you could have made an effort” he opined
“Yeah it was the best I could do at short notice” I replied
“I mean, it’s only a bit of good eye makeup and fake blood.” He continued. I did a double take.
“No, there’s no eye in there.” I said
“Yes there is.”
“What?”
“There is an eye in there, it’s just good makeup.”
I took out my prosthetic eye and showed it to him. I pulled apart my eyelids to show the empty (except for tomato juice) socket.

It was to no avail. He refused in the face of all the evidence to believe that I had one eye and persisted maintaining that it was “just good eye makeup”

Cunt.

I should make a pun here about seeing should be believing, or I sure showed him but I can’t think of anything clever.

The moral of the story is never talk to strange men in bars. They have a disconcerting habit arguing the toss over anything.

Apologies for length, it’s about an inch long and sometimes I put it in people’s beer for a laugh.
( Occulus Swallowed, instead of spat, on, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 17:50, 4 replies)

Hahaha
Great stuff.. I love it when people argue even though they're completely wrong, even in the face of evidence.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 18:02, closed)

"Nah, mate- that eye's totally just been photoshopped out innit"
xkcd.com/331/
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 22:41, closed)

??
"White T shirt, jeans and leather jacket" Are you the pirate Fonzarelli?
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 20:44, closed)

This was a long time ago
and I do have the fashion sense of a retarded slug.

:)

I did laugh at your comment though, ta :)
( Occulus Swallowed, instead of spat, on, Fri 10 Apr 2009, 12:13, closed)