Grounded
I was about 16 when my parents first went away for a week leaving me and my brother at home alone.

We, of course, did exactly what we had promised we wouldn't and had all our friends over.

It went without a hitch...some massive cleaning up to be done, but no evidence at all. Not a beer can in a bush or an ornament out of place. I replaced all the food that was eaten, I even checked that no one had played any tricks like hiding anything in my parents bed, or turning the pictures upside down. It was perfection and we'd get away scot free.

Except they came back, walked around, took one look at the place and gave me and my brother an almighty bollocking and grounded us both for the next two weekends. When they'd calmed down, i bravely asked how they knew and just got the response 'we didn't,But we do now'.

Fucksocks.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 19:09, 21 replies)

Hoisted by your own petard.
'Petard' is, interestingly enough, French for 'spliff'.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 19:12, closed)

French polishers?
It's just possible you could save my life!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 19:52, closed)

Showing your age!

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 21:14, closed)

Shortly to be resurrected by the same ad agency tosspots...
... that decided to remake the classic JR Hartley commercial with some fake DJ dick called Day V. Lately
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 29 Mar 2011, 23:05, closed)

those cunts

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 9:06, closed)

God, I HATE it when people tamper with art...
Art that was created for the good of the world out of nothing but love and then some cunt comes along and destroys its integrity...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 9:09, closed)

Don't get me started on that bloody advert....
I would have sacked them for being lazy twunts and having no self respect.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:52, closed)

my wife
is too young to remember the JR Hartley ad (there was a kid at my school called James Robert Hartley, we were all very happy with the advert) and she just thought the new one was just a really shit advert. We're supposed to believe that this guy a) didn't save a copy on CD or tape or anything, and b) has never heard of the internet, or phones for that matter.

utter bollocks, bring back the one with the little kid that looks like Robbie Williams standing on the Yellow Pages to kiss a girl under the misletoe... the updated version would involve him standing on an iPad2 whilst trying to fist her or something (kids these days, they grow up so fast eh? eh?).
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 13:08, closed)

It was last broadcast in 2001
you nonce.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 14:37, closed)

really?
I must check her birth certificate again... she reckons she was born in 1984.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 15:49, closed)

My grandad told me all about it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:50, closed)

Let's be honest, kids today
probably think a french polisher is some sort of porn genre.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:53, closed)

In about ten years time
I intend to recreate this moment for my kids, unless i forget
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 20:18, closed)

^This^

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 22:51, closed)

Pre-emptive parenting..
Much respect.
(ceeej, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 8:41, closed)

Please god, let there be no parenting at all.
If I die anything but alone, something will have gone terribly, terribly wrong.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:02, closed)

You've jinxed it now!
If you're particularly lucky you'll get twins after a absinthe fuelled one night stand with some donkey faced harridan.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:55, closed)

Your parents are cunts.
No offence, like, it's just that they're cunts.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 14:23, closed)

You're the expert in cuntish behaviour, so I bow to your greater experience.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 14:27, closed)

Good. I always know best,
but it's a shame that I'm only recognised for this in such a narrow field.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:32, closed)

Seeing as the house was perfectly clean and nothing was smashed/damaged/broken when they got back
Surely they didn't have to be such dicks about the situation by grounding you anyway?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 12:27, closed)