roasted loin of pea with a rose tinted jus.
Started working for a new company. day 5 in my new shiny job, and i feel the bowels of brimstone begin to gear up for a toilet mugging.
capitulating to the will of my sulphurous masters, i make my way to the toilet, and have a gargantuan shit. we're not talking a normal human poop, this thing felt like shitting captain caveman's club sideways, i thought it would have to be born by c-section, i'm sweating like a madman, there's a stench like a million dogfarts stored in a room full of unwashedf socks, for a brief moment i went blind, and i saw the face of god- he looked unimpressed.
now up until this point it's normal. everyday. mundane. however i should point out i'm wearing a coat (on my way out for lunch) now being a large gentleman (just large not fatc per se) it's a tight squeeze in these minimalist midget toilets (even the bog itself is retardedly low- at 6'3" that's a long way to haul ass) and as i stand up,holding the trousers of immobilising doom, my jacket catches the stupidly placed loo-roll holder.
tottering, i am left with one option, to fall back , regroup, and try a new assault. so i flop back onto the silly low toilet, at which point it loudly and rather definitively informs me i'm not a safe weight to be dropped onto it at such a forceful and untoward angle, and becomes VERY unstable.
leaping to my feet like a startled cat, i pull up my keks, and turn round to be greeted by the sight of the water draining rapidly from the bowl (god knows where to- the floor was dry as a statue's tit) and my bowel behemoth jutting proudly forth from the water like a diorama of some majestic mountain range, complete with toilet paper snow.

i did what any sensible, responsible employee would do.

i checked for witnesses, flushed, and left rapidly.
i feel for the poor maintenance man who had to wrangle mount crapatoa..
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:01, 7 replies)

"mount crapatoa"
Excellent.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Fri 28 Jan 2011, 6:02, closed)

This gets an "I like"
purely for mount crapatoa!
(maddave, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 9:38, closed)

We call that a "Hazard To Shipping"
as I imagine the ships having to detour around Craplantis as it rises from the depths...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 14:11, closed)

So...
...you filled the bowl then broke the porcelain?

Funny all the same, and well-written too. Have some clickage...
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 14:27, closed)

Made me laugh.
Have a click!
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 16:17, closed)

Ordinarily poo stories leave me cold
but well done to you! *click*
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 12:46, closed)

Truly ROFL
Mt. Krapatoa, bwah ha ha.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 17:41, closed)