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This is a question I'm glad nobody saw me

Have you ever done something, realised how stupid or embarrassing it was and then looked about to see if anyone watching? Did you get away with it?

Suggested by Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic, chosen by YOU

(, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 15:49)
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Broken Arrow and the case of the missing underpants
Now first of all, this isn’t my proudest moment but in hindsight I laugh my ass off at my stupidity.

Cue wavy lines to about 30 years ago when I was 5 years old. In those days the estate we lived on was perfectly safe, or so it seemed, so kids were let out all day, without parents worrying that some paedo was going to nab them in broad daylight. In other words, the days before peado mania hit the headlines

So most weekends were spent riding round on my bike looking for things to do, it was a grifter if my memory serves me right and my trusty stead, sporting spokey dokeys was ready for action on the upper part of the estate.

Usually there was some sort of competition going and on that day it was who could leave the biggest tyre skid on the pavement (grifters ruled the roost in that dept, due to the pedal back breaking), although the competition had nothing to do with the story, skids were definitely going to happen again that day, just not from a tyre and not on the pavement.

Anyway after my glory of winning one skid competition I was suddenly hit with an almighty shit ache. A shit ache of such epic proportions that I couldn’t actually move. I had to think fast as I didn’t want to be riding home with a full load and like a German bomber saving fuel, I knew I had to un-load the cargo somewhere. Eureka ka ka ka!! -Paul’s house.

Paul was one of those kids your mum dropped you off with when she was busy and his house was meters away. Brilliant I thought, I’ll knock on Paul’s house, explain the difficulty and that would be that.....Wrong....very wrong, I knocked once, no answer, knocked again, still nothing. By this time my bowels had decided that Paul would be in and had set off a silent timer and it was coming close to explosion time...Think Broken think mate...FWAPP !!!!! Too late!!!!! Although I would handle the situation totally different now, a young Broken decided in his ultimate wisdom that this was one shipment he didn’t want to take back home, in fear of a tanned shitty backside. So this is what I did next.

With the precision of a surgeon and in broad daylight I took my pants off and tried to chuck them over Paul’s fence...Opps hit the fence and left shit stain, I had to try a different technique. Ah Yes, I thought, the faithful slingshot, now my shits in those days were perfect, because I hadn’t had time or authority to ruin my diet so no sticky mess just a perfectly formed turd.....Bingo, got the turd and the pants over there first try, result!!!!!! A sneaky look out to the pavement and I was off, a little discomfort due to non- wipeage but still feeling fairly proud of myself for dealing with the situation and the ride home smelt of victory....Well kind of.

Got home and all was well, just in time for bath time, sweet I thought, good opportunity to clean up my stinging rusty sheriffs badge. Fobbed my mum off in regards to why I didn’t have any pants, however I will always remember my mum’s words when she uttered this sentence.

“Well god knows where your pants went Broken but luckily I brought this new machine a couple of days ago and I have written your name in every pair of Y-fronts you own, so they may turn up”

Weirdly enough I never did go round to Pauls to play again and we moved shortly afterwards....I always wondered whether it was my shitty sling shot that was the reason for getting out of there......I guess I’ll just never know.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 17:37, 12 replies)
And that is what happens...
To all those kids that want "to do a poo at Paul's house"! Frankly it will teach his mum for buying that poncey air freshener.

Have a click, but wash your hands afterwards.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 17:46, closed)
Indeed N5
Truly a lesson for us all there, pooing at someone else's house is not all it's cracked up to be ;D
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 17:52, closed)
More like
All up your crack you mean?
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 18:05, closed)
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 9:13, closed)
Spokey Dokeys?
You posh git. Round my way we'd use the size tags from the tops of BHS coathangers.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 23:16, closed)
you see, should of got your parents to buy Shreddies, come to think of it, I think all that fibre is to blame for the above incident, with two other siblings there was always a fight to neck the packet.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 9:09, closed)
That's the first story in ages...
that's had me nearly crying with laughter. I'm sure I used to have "Paedo Mania" on my speccy. Or was that Pipe Mania. No, deffo the paedo one.

(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 11:43, closed)
Paedo mania
haha! The only game I have ever played that came with an over 16 restriction.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 14:41, closed)
This post is all, entirely, completely full of sublime win.

Despite this late hour, I find myself stood up and applauding.

One click just isn't enough, but it's all I have.
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 1:05, closed)
Your posts have had me spitting coffee at my monitor
So nice to be able to give something back :)
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:45, closed)
You're very kind... :)

I've just noticed (After a re-read), I think it was the 'Strika' that had the back pedal breaking?

Boxer - Small yellow one
Strika - Middle green one
Grifter - Big unit?

I had a Strika but always wanted a Grifter...but I rise above my jealousy of you as a Grifter owner as a mark of massive respect for this top notch post.
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 13:28, closed)
Hey np and well remembered Poohflake!
The more I think about it, the more I know you are right, thanks for the nostalgia flashback then. I remember it had a silver hologram, with STRIKER down the frame, I think i ripped it off with embarressment. Alas I could only aspire to a grifter, or even beter still a chopper.
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 13:51, closed)

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