b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » I'm glad nobody saw me » Post 1063741 | Search
This is a question I'm glad nobody saw me

Have you ever done something, realised how stupid or embarrassing it was and then looked about to see if anyone watching? Did you get away with it?

Suggested by Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic, chosen by YOU

(, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 15:49)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

« Go Back

Running late...
.. I was heading for the cinema one winter's night such as this. And I was late. I was meeting a group of friends which included the proto Mrs Ugi and I was keen not to miss it so I was running. I claim no greatness in running but it wasn't far and I was putting in some effort so I was moving pretty fast as I crossed through the alley at the side of the multiplex.

Pan out for a moment as my mercifully imaginary witness and you will see in the neck of this unlit, late-evening alleyway a concrete bollard. Not one in fact but a matching pair with, suspended therebetween, a robust metal chain - all but invisible to our young hero with his eyes on the lights ahead and his mind on the pleasant evening in prospect, with who-knows what to follow. You can guess what followed.

Envisage then, as thankfully nobody did, the sprinting young man coming to an inexplicable, instantaneous halt. As the chain snapped taught across my upper-thighs I somehow balanced for a moment, perceptible only perhaps in the sudden rush of adrenaline, before crashing over the top into a whimpering heap of pain on the other side.

For the first five-minute hour that I lay there I was certain that I must have snapped both legs like twigs and would be forced to drag myself by my fingernails into the light to have any hope of rescue. Gradually it dawned on me, however, that there were in fact no jagged splinters of femur thrust through my jeans and, agonising though it was, I had apparently done myself no substantial injury.

I hobbled into the film having taken nearly a half-hour to cover the last 200 yards of distance. My excuse was told and duly dismissed as nonsense or at best as gross exaggeration, even by the prospective Mrs Ugi. However, a day or so later a witness did come forward. My ever-blackening thighs. You could see every link in that chain, strangely white against the blue and purple background of my miraculously intact legs.

So I give you my legs - sole and silent witness to their own mistreatment.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:43, 12 replies)
Excellently written...

I heartily bestow this Clickety upon thee.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:29, closed)
From you sir, that is praise indeed.
A rather ordinary, if very painful, story so I thought it could use vamping up a bit.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:39, closed)
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 14:58, closed)
for laughing(out loud)at your pain!
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:46, closed)
No apology necessary...
.. I am happy to laugh about it now, although I do shudder sometimes to think what would have happened if that chain had been at knee-height.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:50, closed)
did you manage to cop a feel in the cinema?
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 19:51, closed)
A gentleman never tells...
.. ;-)
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:04, closed)
That'd be a no then.

Ooh! Candle!
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:06, closed)
OOhhh Sparkley!
Happy Candle-day.
(, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:42, closed)
yes, but what about you?

(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:51, closed)
Harsh... but somehow fair.

We were a big group at the cinema, so not too much friskyness was available, but I do seem to remember us heading off in the same direction afterwards.... Not that I was in a state for very much for some time to come. It bastard hurt.
(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 22:55, closed)
i like this.

(, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 18:44, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1