Running late...
.. I was heading for the cinema one winter's night such as this. And I was late. I was meeting a group of friends which included the proto Mrs Ugi and I was keen not to miss it so I was running. I claim no greatness in running but it wasn't far and I was putting in some effort so I was moving pretty fast as I crossed through the alley at the side of the multiplex.

Pan out for a moment as my mercifully imaginary witness and you will see in the neck of this unlit, late-evening alleyway a concrete bollard. Not one in fact but a matching pair with, suspended therebetween, a robust metal chain - all but invisible to our young hero with his eyes on the lights ahead and his mind on the pleasant evening in prospect, with who-knows what to follow. You can guess what followed.

Envisage then, as thankfully nobody did, the sprinting young man coming to an inexplicable, instantaneous halt. As the chain snapped taught across my upper-thighs I somehow balanced for a moment, perceptible only perhaps in the sudden rush of adrenaline, before crashing over the top into a whimpering heap of pain on the other side.

For the first five-minute hour that I lay there I was certain that I must have snapped both legs like twigs and would be forced to drag myself by my fingernails into the light to have any hope of rescue. Gradually it dawned on me, however, that there were in fact no jagged splinters of femur thrust through my jeans and, agonising though it was, I had apparently done myself no substantial injury.

I hobbled into the film having taken nearly a half-hour to cover the last 200 yards of distance. My excuse was told and duly dismissed as nonsense or at best as gross exaggeration, even by the prospective Mrs Ugi. However, a day or so later a witness did come forward. My ever-blackening thighs. You could see every link in that chain, strangely white against the blue and purple background of my miraculously intact legs.

So I give you my legs - sole and silent witness to their own mistreatment.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:43, 12 replies)

Excellently written...

I heartily bestow this Clickety upon thee.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:29, closed)

From you sir, that is praise indeed.
A rather ordinary, if very painful, story so I thought it could use vamping up a bit.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:39, closed)

^
Click.
( Evil Bastardo, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 14:58, closed)

sorry
for laughing(out loud)at your pain!
*click*
(Pectacular Almost spectacular...but somethings missing!, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:46, closed)

No apology necessary...
.. I am happy to laugh about it now, although I do shudder sometimes to think what would have happened if that chain had been at knee-height.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:50, closed)

but
did you manage to cop a feel in the cinema?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 19:51, closed)

A gentleman never tells...
.. ;-)
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:04, closed)

That'd be a no then.
/Edit

Ooh! Candle!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:06, closed)

OOhhh Sparkley!
Happy Candle-day.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 21:42, closed)

yes, but what about you?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:51, closed)

Auooch!
Harsh... but somehow fair.

We were a big group at the cinema, so not too much friskyness was available, but I do seem to remember us heading off in the same direction afterwards.... Not that I was in a state for very much for some time to come. It bastard hurt.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 22:55, closed)

i like this.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 18:44, closed)