Drawing the line
Back in my late teens and early 20s I used to earn a bit of extra money by working part time in a popular local bar.

Given the popularity there were always a lot of young ladies to flirt with and then meet up with in one of the clubs after work and hopefully get to know a little better.

One evening I met an attractive* young lady and we ended up going back to her place for a coffee. On arrival at her flat I started to notice a peculiar odour. I had noticed this faintly at the club but had paid no attention as it was back in the days before the smoking ban when it was difficult to pick up the exact nature and source of smells. We had then walked home so I thought the smell must have been from somewhere else.

As we reached her bedroom it began to get more and more pungent. However I tried to ignore it as we snogged and the rush of hormones created due to the impending sex made the sensible part of my brain switch off.

As her clothes were loosened and discarded however, the sensible part of my brain began kicking back in, whispering to me, whispering what the source of the odour was, so I decided to inspect a little closer.

Never in all my born days have I smelt anything quite like this particular growler. It was as if an otter had vomitted in her pants. I remained calm however and managed to extricate myself from the situation by pretending to reach for protectino and then apologising that I didn't have any left, I couldn't pop down the 24 hour garage as I had an early start at work the next day and it would spoil the mood, but we could meet up again the next week.

3 weeks later a co-worker at the bar went back there and had the joy of catching chlamydia, which goes some way to explaining the horrendous stench emanating from that particular lady garden.

It's not often a guy will turn down sex, but my fortitude on that evening is not something to be sniffed at, pardon the pun.

*she was a 4 pinter.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:16, 22 replies)

and so, you remain a virgin to this very day.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:21, closed)

almost
Thankfully your mum took me into her "care"
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:25, closed)

i never really knew my mum.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:34, closed)

Well you should count your blessings
that someone else clearly did.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:41, closed)

who's that then?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:43, closed)

Me.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 15:03, closed)

hi dad.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 15:15, closed)

Shut up and get off the computer.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 16:25, closed)

fuck you, you're not my real dad.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 16:39, closed)

Shut up and get off the computer.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 18:16, closed)

sounds like one patch of ladygarden
that could do with being flagged over
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 14:53, closed)

I consider it my duty to keep clean down there.
It's not exacly hard to do either.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 15:09, closed)

do you use ajax?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 15:16, closed)

the football team?

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 16:13, closed)

I chortled.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 18:49, closed)

Nah
The tin's too wide.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Fri 30 Nov 2012, 8:06, closed)

OMFG!
A LADY WITH A VAGINA! I AM SO IN, HERE!!!1!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 16:15, closed)

Come here, big boy
:-)
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Fri 30 Nov 2012, 7:13, closed)

Just in case eh?

(dchurch bah, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 22:18, closed)

More "when"

(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Fri 30 Nov 2012, 7:37, closed)

I do beg your pardon...
had you down as a munter!
(dchurch bah, Fri 30 Nov 2012, 11:39, closed)

I like to think not

(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Fri 30 Nov 2012, 12:10, closed)