The longest journey
I was travelling on a long journey by coach with a couple of others, and when we got aboard we discovered that there were just three spaces left. The other two grabbed the one remaining double seat, so I was left with pot luck. As I approached the last seat, I though to myself "Result!" -- the adjacent seat was occupied by a very pretty young girl. Hah, a captive audience for my charm and wit, I thought.

How wrong I was. After initial introductions had broken the ice, she started on a non-stop stream of consciousness verbal deluge, covering her life story, her likes and dislikes, whatever asinine new-age fad had caught her eye this weeek, and in particular, in great and intimate detail, the disasterous relationship she had just come out of. She seemed to have no sense of appropriateness, no concept of the two-way nature of conversation, and no boundaries. My expression must have become glazed, my eyes must have begun darting from side to side seeking escape, but nothing was going to stop her.

In the end I put on my headphones, lay back and closed my eyes. Not even that was a hint, she just carried on with the appalling drivel. She kept it up for hours.

All the time, my mates a few rows behind were pissing themselves laughing, of course.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 30 Nov 2012, 11:37, 3 replies)

And when you woke up she had made you a cup of tea?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Nov 2012, 11:56, closed)

The quietening effect of a cock in the mouth might have served you there

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Nov 2012, 14:57, closed)

That was one of the thoughts that struck me upon first sight of her
However, the memory of her vapid, self-absorbed, inconsequential, soul-destroyingly moronic attempt at conversation has permanently excluded her from even the most insolvent wank-bank.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 30 Nov 2012, 15:13, closed)