not me, but a friend
so this friend, despite being, by outward appearances, a scruffy ne'er-do-well was in fact a very well paid and well respected IT whizzkid. so well respected in fact, he was able to regularly rock up in last night's club shirt, untucked, an hour or more late, and spend half the day in the canteen eating, but i digress.
he had recently, after some haggling and long drawn out delivery options, taken delivery of a nice new 5.7ltr v8 corvette z06 (car thing wot goes like teflon-coated shit off a greased shovel) and, having been driving it for a week, had it written off by a dozy old lady in a micra who forgot that you stop and look at roundabouts.
he was getting it fixed, and his insurance company provided him with a hire car- a rather nippy bmw, 5 or 7 series, i fail to recall.
Now there's an unwritten rule that when faced with a hire car, you take bleeding liberties. in the spirit of this, one boring sunday, we found ourselves, five of us, out for a spin to cause some minor mischief.
when drifting round the local car park in a cloud of tyre smoke gre boring, we decided to move on, but as wel pulled out, a small car blocked our path, and two coppers hopped out and round to the drivers window. the conversation went thus:

copper1: "do you know why we've stopped you sir?"
mate(legend) : (contritely) "yeah. i was being a dick...."
copper1: "is this your car sir?"
mate: "no. it's a hire car."
copper2: " don't tell me they gave you this to replace a bloody corsa or something.."
mate: "no actually, it's a 5.7 v8 corvette z06 race edition"
coppers: "!?! bloody hell. well, don't be so stupid in that then, you'll get yourself killed. off you go now"

legend.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:17, 16 replies)

Doing doughnuts in a Sainsbury's car park?
What a legend.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:23, closed)

I NO RITE?
Alexander the Great ruled half the known world by the time he hit thirty but he never managed to melt a bit of rubber on somebody else's tarmac. The fucking failure.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:26, closed)

Wasn't he the big ponce that cried because there were no more lands to conquer?
What a puff.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:30, closed)

I bet he didn't even have a car with a larger than average engine capacity.
The woofter.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:31, closed)

I did a doughnut in Sainsbury's car park once.
I got arrested for indecent exposure and a knob covered in jam :(
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:40, closed)

That wasn't a doughnut and it wasn't jam, and you know it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:41, closed)

I did a doughnut sweaty hairy tramps arse in Sainsbury's car park once.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:46, closed)

Mopeds
command real respect.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:43, closed)

Anyone who drives a moped should be shot.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:58, closed)

Mopeds are like fat birds...
they both have noisey exhausts. Or something.
(ScousersPet, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 13:07, closed)

No it's that all your mates claim they're a great ride, but actually it's all that they can get.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 13:18, closed)

Lovely abuse of the humble comma there.
Are you Chinese or just a fucking moron?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:24, closed)

Lacist.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 12:42, closed)

nobody is impressed with this.
and the reason your dickhead mate crashed his corvette is that the designers forgot to build in a way of going round corners or stopping. plus, he's a dickhead.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 13:10, closed)

Harsh.
I'm totally impressed by a made-up story about some cars doing some stuff in a car park. It's moments like this that I live for.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:37, closed)

There is some truth here I think
That even in a made-up story, the BMW driver was still a twunt.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 8:08, closed)