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This is a question Not having sex

Our pal Freddie Woo says: Climbing into the back seat of the car, she sat on a fortnight-old bag of food shopping I had completely forgotten about. The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you for nothing. Tell us about the shag you didn't have because you blew it.

(, Thu 22 May 2014, 14:01)
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A few years back, I was going out with a girl who was tremendously filthy, but was also in RAF training. She'd swallowed the propaganda entirely, to the extent that when we walked past a Lib Dem election poster she hissed at it and angrily explained how they wanted to cut military funding. Our politics did not match.

Anyway, I went to a formal meal at her RAF base and it was quite an eye-opener. A bunch of otherwise intelligent people wearing ludicrously elaborate formal dress and making the sort of anti-foreigner statements that I'd previously assumed only belonged to Jeremy Kyle contestants.

I met a girl there who was closer to my views than any of the others (she'd come as her friend's +1), and we hit it off quite well. She had a guest room in the barracks and as we were quite drunk it didn't take long before we decided we should slope off for a sneaky shag.

In her room and we're both standing up against the wall, she's topless and I'm entirely naked by this point, and there's an angry-sounding barrage of knocks on the door. OH FUCK, the missus has come looking for me, and all of her friends are here, and all of her friends are psychotic paras.

So I scrambled trying to hide myself, first diving under the duvet but Rachel made it clear that this was not a good disguise. Being a military base there were not such things as en-suites or walk-in wardrobes, in fact the room was entirely square with nowhere to hide.

In a flash of inspiration, I realised that the window sill was about 18 inches wide, so I leapt up behind the curtain and stood there as Rachel answered the door.

"No, I haven't seen him, I was just getting changed", I heard as I cowered three feet up on the window sill.

Satisfied that I wasn't there, my midget right-winger fucked off.

Much to my distress, this had put Rachel out of the mood and so she suggested I get dressed. This I did, then I went out of a random door onto the base. I wandered about for a bit and then returned nonchalantly to the feast room. Laura the miniature racist asked me where the fuck I'd been, and I entirely got away with telling her that as a drunken person, I had wanted to get some fresh air.

Never did fuck Rachel though. :-(
(, Mon 26 May 2014, 16:24, 9 replies)
Paras are not RAF.

(, Mon 26 May 2014, 17:51, closed)
Haha, it's almost as if the whole story has been made up.

(, Mon 26 May 2014, 17:53, closed)
Well, there IS the Parachute Training School at RAF Brize Norton, but RAF officer training doesn't happen there.
So yeah, The LOVELY Drimbley, I call shenanigans.
(, Mon 26 May 2014, 18:03, closed)
They weren't officers
I assume they were they because they train how to jump out of aeroplanes? It was St Athan FWIW.
(, Mon 26 May 2014, 18:46, closed)
Not at RAF St Athan they wouldn't have.
Shenanigans CONFIRMED.
(, Mon 26 May 2014, 18:51, closed)
Just let the man have a wank in peace, can't you?

(, Mon 26 May 2014, 19:09, closed)
I'm not quite sure what to say. I was definitely there and there were definitely some scary-looking soldier-types there, who I was told were paras. This would have been about 2006/7.
(, Mon 26 May 2014, 19:13, closed)
^ LibDem supporter ^

(, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:11, closed)
Great PUA Skillz!

(, Tue 27 May 2014, 13:07, closed)

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