Not Losing Your VirginityThink back, way back, to when you were a spotty virgin.* It was all a bit overwhelming, wasn't it? I remember going to see a band as a teenager and standing behind a girl who I kinda liked, but who had been showing a lot of interest in a friend for the past week. She reached back and squeezed my leg.
I panicked. Brain decided that she'd clearly made a mistake and thought I was my friend: "Er, you've got the wrong bloke"
It was hours before I worked out what was going on.
So, tell us the stories of when you failed to lose your virginity - whether through your own ineptitude or simply because they scared the bejesus out of you.
* Apologies to spotty virgins out there. Wash.
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chthonic, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:13)
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A mate of mine - Lets call him Jim.......nicest guy you can meet, and had one thing that me and my mates didn't - morals. He always said he'd lose it to "somebody who is completely honest to him, somebody who trusts me, somebody who wouldn't lie to me". Up steps Jessica.
Jessica was - I'll be honest - short, fat, and not the prettiest thing in the world. In fact, she had a face like a slapped arse. But my mate Jim was happy - Jessica was known in our ultra conservative school to have actually performed the art of oral sex on a man. The filthy slapper.
Cue a drunken teenage party around at Jessica's farm (yes, farm). Jim sat down with me and said "I'm going to do it, I'm going to have sex with Jessica.". He would of been the 7th out of our group of 10 to have sex, I was still Virgo Intact. I gave him one of my condoms.
I watched Jim whisper naughty things into Jessica's ear, and Jessica's eyes light up with a naughty delight. She giggled, grabbed Jim, and led her upstairs. I looked on with a wierd emotion - envy because he would be sex weeing into a girl before me, and pride because - well - Jim was that nice a guy.
However, that niceness doesn't make what I'm about to divulge any less funny.
First there was a large thud, then Jim screamed "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?", then Jessica saying "OOPS! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!!"
I locked eyes with my mate Dave, both of us displaying the internationally recognised facial signal of "What the fuck?" on our faces.
Our questioned was answered shortly later with the now-one-legged Jessica hopping down the stairs in a hurry, with Jim brandishing a wooden leg, saying "WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS!?!?", Jessica screaming "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!?!?!?". Jim threw the leg and it missed Jessica, but it smashed the front door glass.
Jim calmed down, and now he sees the funny side of this. Jessica was more honest about people, and now she's married.
To this day, Jim has yet to rip up his V-Plates. He wants a girl to be honest. Woe betide any woman who is not.
Especially if she has a wooden leg.
Apologies for length, but I have sanded it down to a smooth finish.
(, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 14:58, Reply)
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