2 stories for this one
First one is a much-shortened repost of my one for Greatest Regrets, in which I helped a very close, very attractive female friend with her computer (which was sporked), and she went off for a shower. And came back only in underwear. Being the imbecile I am, not only did I have a girlfriend, I also didn't completely realise what her massaging my shoulders and rubbing herself against me meant. She was (and still is, apparently) a virgin. Although now she is at university and trying the lesbian stick. Not completely homo though, as a drunken text I got last week would suggest.
The next one is about my very good friend Ciaran. I have no qualms about using his name as he only ever comes on QOTW to read the Best Of, so unless you click 'I like this' he'll never read it.
Anyway me and the other godhead in our particular triumvirate started a rumour that he had the biggest penis known to man. Horses wouldn't be able to cope. And at our insistence, (and the agreement of his mother at his 18th birthday party), this rumour became common knowledge.
Now, Ciaran was a good Catholic boy, and no-one but his mother had ever seen his todger, especially not a girl. However, he had his heart set on one particular girl, the delectable Kate (named changed as she is lovely. Ciaran isn't). The entire rumour was started in order to make her fall in love with him, or to simply pique her curiousity so she wants to discover for herself (eye-to-eye, if you will), what he was carrying around in his y-fronts.
Did she? Did she heck. Before the rumour, she was wondering whether or not she liked him; post-rumour she had decided she didn't want to be ripped in half and spurned his advances.
Thanks to our intervention, he now studies a very boring subject at uni and is a major fan of Thunderbirds.
Regard this as my public apology for you remaining a virgin, mate.
( Dave the Mighty, Sun 29 Oct 2006, 17:40, Reply)