A fair cop
After one particularly boozy session as a gang of hormonal marauding teenagers, we left the pub to go to the local park for a spliff or two, on our way merrily kicking the wing mirrors off of every car we passed (I am really not proud of this).

After fifteen minutes or so, the familiar sights and smells of the local constabulary arrived to general jeers, oinks and swine jokes. They then proceeded to describe in explicit detail how a person of my height, age and general demeanour with long hair and distinctive green trainers had been witnessed carrying out this vile act.

“It wasn’t me copper” I intoned winking to my chums, “You’ll never take me alive” I quipped.

“Empty your pockets son” said the unimpressed PC

“I didn’t do it, and you can’t prove nuffin” I confidently slurred.

It was then dear reader that I put my hand into my pocket and had the awful realisation that it contained one trophy wing mirror.

“It’s a fair cop” I said as I pulled it out to unanimous hilarity.

I was carted off for a night in the cells, had my trainers swabbed for clues and was greeted in the morning by my school friend’s partially paralysed father whom I was informed was my Ironside-style solicitor.

He advised me to deny everything and I was freed later that day in time to have a nice relaxing wank.

Sorry local residents 15 years ago.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 10:38, 8 replies)

Do you know how much those bastard wing mirrors cost? Hundreds.
" (I am really not proud of this). "

That's the only reason I am absolutely not going to call you a cunt.
( AWPS, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 11:22, closed)

he's says 'I'm not really proud of this'
but is it just me, or does he come across as extremely proud of it?
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 11:24, closed)

My mistake, I guess when I said 'I am really not proud of this' I shouldn't have left so much room for interpretation...

I will be making a sizeable donation to an abused wing mirror charity to make amends.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 13:08, closed)

I regularly rip mirrors off cars!
But only if they cut me up dangerously when I'm on my motorbike.
I consider this a helpful move, as they obviously aren't using them (or are they trying to kill me?) and the added drag they produce is costing them money in extra fuel usage.
(Spill, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 11:29, closed)

this ^

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 11:44, closed)

Hundreds?
Serves you right for driving a BMW.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 13:11, closed)

Some pocket!
Are you Sport Billy?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 13:11, closed)

Kind of - I always did refer to that pocket as 'The Omni-Sack'
I subsequently pulled out a foot-long bratwurst and a bunch of daffodils to lighten the mood.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 13:31, closed)