I'm sorry Al, but that just won't do...
"you are allowed to wear either black lingerie, while you sit cross legged on a wicker chair smoking through an ebony cigarette holder": I'm fine with the smoking bit, but do you have any idea how uncomfortable sitting in a wicker chair whilst not wearing many clothes is? You get wicker-pattern imprints all over your legs, which looks silly.

"or white silk pyjamas, which you may wear while reclining on a white or black leather sofa whilst reading magazines, drinking tea or playing with a cat": Hmmm. I'm not sitting on a black or a white leather sofa. The only acceptable colour for a leather sofa is brown. It's got to be big, shabby and an antique. Also, I'd rather read a good book (unless the magazine is Private Eye, the New Yorker, Little White Lies or Empire), and I'd be drinking gin, martinis, manhattans or a whisky. Or possibly a coffee.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:46, Reply)