@ Che
I agree entirely - there are far, far too many clues in there...but most of them are there because I need them in the first draft - I haven't decided yet what this story is about. Once I've worked out what the tale is then I can go back and take out all the obvious 'telling' and just leave the 'showing' and hints.

I also added in an extra parameter for me - conversation only. I did that mainly because writing conversation is hard - it looks easy because we all talk all the time, but in order for conversation to appear in a story it has to do three things at once - advance the plot, tell you about the speaker and tell you about something else.

At the moment this draft is very flabby, far too many needless words.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:48, Reply)