Crop dusting
is when you rip loose a good fart just before you go by someone, so you trail bum gas all over them as you go without them hearing it.

It's a favorite game with waiters when they get an obnoxious table, especially a load of 30-50 year old women drinking cosmopolitans and chattering about their diets and what shoes to buy and generally acting like the Sex In The City twits. You notify the other waiters, and whenever they have the urge for a fart they do it just before reaching that table. If you really do it well you can get a fight going when they start blaming each other.

My favorite happened last year. I was on my way out of town and had to stop at an ATM to get cash. I got out of the car and found that there were two teen girls there chattering away about their plans for Saturday night, how they were going to go to this concert and Jason owes me so I'm gonna make him buy me a tee shirt and omigawd! and so on. Meanwhile they're not using the ATM, just standing there.

I had had my coffee that morning, and it was starting to have its usual effect on my intestines. So I quietly moved upwind of them and let out a big one that came from deep within and felt like live steam as it passed my sphincter. A few seconds later their eyes got big and they started frantically stabbing at the buttons of the ATM, then ran off as fast as their miniskirts would allow.

Best start of a Saturday, ever.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 1 Oct 2008, 15:51, Reply)